Hopelessly in Love
by Violet2389
Summary: Bella works as a stripper in her boyfriend Edward's strip club, but what happens when Jacob, an NYPD cop comes into the strip club one night? BellaXJacob, all human, lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Bella**

I looked at myself in the mirror as I did my make-up. I had my foundation, concealer and powder done; now I had to decide what to do for my eyes. I decided on a deep smokey purple eye, with jet black eyeliner. I rooted through my make-up bag until I found a pair of false lashes and I glued them on. I curled my lashes to blend the false ones with my natural ones, and put mascara on to make my eyelashes look even thicker. I found my favourite red lipstick, and spread it on my lips. My freshly straightened hair floated around my shoulders and back. I adjusted it to make sure it looked perfect before walking out of my bathroom and going into my bedroom.

The room was dimly lit; it was very late at night, and my eyes were super sensitive to bright lights tonight. Thank god the lights in the club were never super bright. I wasn't sure how well I'd be able to do my shift if the lights were too bright.

I slipped out of my robe and into my outfit for tonight. I looked at myself in the floor to ceiling mirror, and adjusted my outfit. I touched up my make-up to make sure it looked perfect, before strapping on my favourite knee-high leather boots and heading out the door of my bedroom.

"You leaving, baby?" my boyfriend and boss, Edward, called from the couch.

"Mmhmm." I murmured.

"Come here." he said, motioning for me to join him on the couch. I strutted over to him, and stood in front of him. He placed his hand on my thigh before slapping it lightly. "I'm not coming tonight, u have some paperwork to fill out. Don't let them touch you too much tonight, baby, save some for me."

I ran my hand through his hair. "I always do."

"You want a hit before you go?" he asked.

I hesitated before answering. It was tempting…

"No," I decided. "I'll save that for later."

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded before putting on my trench coat and leaving the apartment. The club wasn't very far away from my apartment building, so it wasn't too far to walk there and I had worn my boots enough times to be comfortable walking in them, no matter what the distance was. It was a nice night in the dirty New York streets, but the streetlights made it look beautiful. It was if this city transformed into something different at night, something magical almost.

I went in the back entrance of the club, and took my coat off. Edward owned this club, along with his two friends Emmett and Jasper. Emmett normally worked as a bouncer, as his size tended to scare people, while Jasper worked as a bartender. Emmett and Jasper's girlfriends, Rosalie and Alice, also worked in the club, with me.

"Lookin' good Bella." Emmett said, coming into the back room.

"Thanks Emmett." I said with a smile.

"Edward coming in tonight?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Well, tonight we have a private party; some guy's birthday party. I'm having you and Alice do it, Rosie can man the main room on her own."

"Alright, sounds good."

I was about to turn and leave, to go into the private room, when Emmett stopped me.

"Are you high?" he asked.

"No." I said. "I try not to use before I work, you know that."

"Yeah but normally when Edward isn't coming, he tries to get you high." He said.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked.

"The private party tonight?" I nodded. "They're cops. The last thing we need would be for you to get caught with cocaine in your system."

I nodded. "Alright. Thanks for letting me know."

"No problem Bella." He said. "Alice is already in there getting ready."

I nodded and went into the room we used for private parties. Alice was preparing the room and made sure there was enough drinks around. The drunker you got them, the better tips you got. It was odd, though, that this party was renting out the whole room, not a lot of people did that.

"Hey Alice." I said.

"Hey Bella." She said. "You ready for tonight?"

I nodded. "Definitely."

"They must have some serious cash, I mean half the people who come in here for birthdays just use the main room, and barely anyone rents out the whole room."

"I know, I was thinking the same thing. Apparently they're cops, did Emmett tell you?"

Alice shrugged. "Yeah he did. Whatever. Better for us that way, anyway."

**Jacob**

"Jake, man, come on! Don't be a pussy. It's your birthday and we're going to celebrate. The right way. Leah just broke up with you, are you honestly going to sit at home all night and think about that bitch?" My friend Paul said.

"I'd rather just stay home." I said. "Don't make me do something I don't want to do."

I hung up my gun belt in my locker at the station.

Paul slammed his locker shut and glared at me. "Jacob Black, it's your birthday. We want to take you out tonight to let you enjoy it. You only turn twenty-five once. Why are you still hung up on Leah?"

"I'm not hung up on her!" I said, knowing I probably sounded like a four year old.

"Then you'll have no problem coming out with us tonight." He said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes. "You guys can go without me." I slammed my own locker shut, put my leather jacket on, and tried to walk out of the back room of the station where we kept all our shit, but the doorway was blocked by my other friend Jared, who also worked at the station with Paul and me.

"You aren't getting out of this, Jake. We rented out a whole room in the club, just for you. Are you going to let us waste all that money?"

"Who said you have to waste it if I'm not there?" I asked. "Guys, honestly, go without me. I'd rather sit at home and get drunk tonight. Can I spend my birthday alone?"

"No." they said at the same time.

I looked at Jared. "Does Kim know what you're doing tonight?"

He nodded. "She didn't mind…after what happened at her birthday."

Jared's girlfriend was Kim, and at her birthday party she got a little crazy with a male stripper and made out with him…it gave Jared one free pass to do whatever the fuck he wanted.

I rolled my eyes.

"Why the fuck are you being such a pussy, Jake?" Paul demanded. "What better way to say good riddance to that bitch Leah than to see a couple of half-naked girls prancing around?"

I didn't answer him. I would rather just stay home tonight, drink lots of beer, and then wake up with a horrible hangover tomorrow morning. Was that too much to ask?

"Can I go home and get changed?" I asked.

"You're fine." Paul said.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, and my leather jacket. I sighed. Going home and changing had been my last chance to get out of this tonight. To just go home and pretend I didn't get their phone calls, or that I didn't hear the buzzer for me to let them into my apartment. It would have been so easy, but they wouldn't give me a break.

"Jake, you're going to have a good time tonight. We'll make sure of it." Jared said.

"That sounds more like a threat than anything else." I mumbled.

We went outside and piled into Paul's car. I looked at my Volkswagen Rabbit desperately, as if it could somehow help me out of this. It was beat up, but I had had it since I was sixteen, I couldn't part with it. My Corvette was sitting in the garage underneath my apartment building; I rarely drove it to work.

In all honesty, I didn't want to go out with the guys tonight. I would have rather just stayed home and relaxed tonight, but obviously I wasn't going to get my wish.

Paul expertly drove to one of the many strip clubs in the city. Downtown was full of strip clubs and bars. One of the most high-end ones was owned by this douchebag Edward Cullen and a couple of his friends. One of the other guys at the station, Sam, had told me that it was a good club to go to; just that he was an asshole. I hadn't been there before, but I had met Edward a few times and I had immediately not liked him. He was arrogant, and treated his girlfriend like absolute shit. I had no idea how she put up with him. I had wanted to kick his ass the first time I met him.

His girlfriend was a beauty, and he treated her like absolute shit. He made her work in the strip club and barely let her leave the house alone, unless it was for work. Even when it was for work, he mostly wanted to be in the club while she was working.

Paul parked in one of the parking spots of Cullen's strip club and I took a deep breath. We got out of his car, and went inside.

One of the guys who helped run the club led us into what they called the "Party Room" and we were greeted by Edward's girlfriend, and another, tiny girl with spikey black hair. Edward's girlfriend, I think her name was Bella, looked stunning. Her hair floated around her shoulders and down her back, her heavy lidded eyes watched us coming into the room, she was wearing next to nothing, just a leather bra, leather thong, and leather straps snaked around her midsection, arms, and legs. She looked completely fuckable, and in that moment I was so jealous of Edward fucking Cullen, it was unreal.

We sat down in the room, and they started the music. Soon enough I had had a couple beers, and we were all nice and drunk. The girls were dancing on poles, dancing with each other…I think they made out with each other at one point…but I really couldn't be sure.

"Excuse me; can you help our friend here get a bit more into the birthday spirit?" Paul asked Bella, slurring slightly.

"Oh it's your birthday?" she asked, voice sending like sex. She came over to me. "Come with me."

She pulled me out of the seat I was in, and pulled me into a back room. She sat me down in a chair and pranced around me. She stood in between my legs, with her back to me, and slowly lowered her body onto me. She ground into my crotch, and my pants felt like they were going to fucking explode.

I put my hands on her hips, trying to get her to stop, but she took it as a sign for her to keep going, so I tightened my grip, forcing her to stop. She froze, and stared at me, eyes wide. As if she was afraid.

"Why do you exploit your body like this?" I asked.

She stood up. "I need the money."

"Bullshit." I said, feeling the alcohol was doing the talking for me. "Your boyfriend owns this place, I bet any tips you get are going straight into his pocket."

She didn't say anything.

"I've seen how he treats you. He treats you like shit."

It could have been my imagination, or the booze getting to me, but from where I was sitting, it looked like she had tears in her eyes. I stood up and went over to her. Even though she was wearing high heels, I towered over her. She looked up at me.

"Why the fuck do you care?" she spat. "I'm a stripper, this is my job."

She stared up at me, and I could see the tears in her eyes. I wanted to grab her and kiss her so badly…I didn't even know why I wanted to. I had just met this girl, had barely even talked to her, yet I so desperately wanted to kiss her. I leaned down, and she tilted her head up, and I pressed my lips against hers. She kissed me back and our tongues swirled with one another. In that moment I felt how passionate she was, and some sort of need in her whole body.

Suddenly she broke away from me, and was gone. I looked around in confusion. Where the fuck could she have gone?


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So, I'm trying for another chapter, but if I get more hateful messages/reviews I'm just going to take down the story. Some people don't realize that this type of issue is between two authors, and don't seem to understand that we've already been in contact. While the author wants me to take the story down, I feel that I'm innocent in this whole ordeal, as I haven't read the other story, nor have I even heard of the story. I don't know how I can prove this, and I know it's pretty much impossible to prove it, but I know that many of you actually want to read more of the story, so I'm going to try it out.**

**To the readers who actually want to enjoy the story, ignore the hate, and enjoy. Also, I am **_**not **_**promoting drug usage/abuse in the story at all.**

**Chapter 2**

**Bella**

I stood around the corner from the back room, taking deep breaths. I went into the room where I kept my stuff. Just as I was about to walk out the door, Emmett came in.

"I'm leaving." I said. "I…I feel like shit."

He took a good look at me. "You really don't look too good, Bella, do you want to stay with Rosie and me tonight?"

"No, it's fine, I just wanna go home." I said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emmett."

Before I was about to leave, Emmett grasped my arm.

"You don't need to put up with Edward's shit tonight Bella." He said. "If you want a break, our door is always open."

"What I _need _is at my apartment." I said quietly.

The look on Emmett's face as he let go of my arm told me that he completely understood what I had meant.

I left the club, and breathed in the cool night air. It was a crisp night, and the air felt good against my flushed face. I had just made out with a random guy. Who had he even been? Had I even known his name? I fumbled in my pocket for my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. I pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. I inhaled the smoke, immediately feeling slightly less anxious. This would keep me sane until I made it back to the apartment where I could indulge.

I began walking down the street. And tried to get my mind off what had happened in the club, and what was waiting for me at home. I looked around me, in wonder at the city that was before me.

All the neon signs popping out of the sky…all the darkness lifting in fluorescent colours…all the dirt turning into gold dust and rainbows. That's the way I always saw New York City…it's so otherworldly. Apart from the dark parts that went on under the table in this city…New York City was just this magical, beautiful place.

That had been the reason I had moved here in the first place…before I had come here I had thought that New York was this completely out-of-this-world city, a magical place where you could do whatever you wanted, and become whoever you wanted.

That was before I had met Edward. I had landed a shitty job when I got here, working my ass off for a perverted shop owner until I could make get enough money to be able to quit and still be able to support myself. He had asked me to wear cleavage bearing shirts and short skirts to work, offered me extra pay for…_personal _services. One day Edward had come into the store, and I instantly fell for him. We had exchanged numbers, and I had told him about how awful it was for me to work in the store…when he offered me the job in the strip club. At first I had been reluctant, but after a bit of convincing I took the job.

Edward was never a horrible boyfriend. He had gotten me cocaine when I first came here a few times when we were just having a bit of fun, which led me to become hooked on it, but he wasn't the one who had started me on it, but I had used it a couple times before I had even moved here. He hadn't ever abused me. Apart from the _very_ light tapping on my thigh or ass once in a while, inside or outside the bedroom, he hadn't laid a hand on me. Sure, he kept me under a tight leash, and sometimes got angry with me, but the way I saw it, he provided me with shelter, a job and drugs.

The guy from the club's words floated around my head.

_Why do you exploit your body like this? Your boyfriend owns the place, I bet any tips you get are going straight into his pocket. I've seen how he treats you. He treats you like shit._

In the pit of my stomach, I knew he was right. Though Edward had never physically abused me, but he rarely let me out of the house alone. He would only let me go out without him for work, or when I was going out with my friend Mike…who was gay so he wouldn't ever try and make a move on me.

I got to our apartment building, and looked up at it. An inexplicable temptation to just leave and never go back up to our apartment washed over me. I could just leave…never go back. I could stay with Alice for a few days, maybe go back to Washington and stay with my dad…it sounded so amazing…so easy.

I had never thought like this before meeting that guy. I had thought that Edward was my only option…but now I wasn't too sure.

That guy had just been some random guy, yet I felt something for him. How weird was it for me to fall for some random guy in the club? He had been a complete stranger, and I had kissed him. I had broken the one rule I had set for myself. To never get close with people who came into the club.

But, no, I couldn't leave Edward. He was my source for my drugs. Without him I would probably go crazy…in face standing out here right now I could feel that I needed a hit as soon as I got upstairs. I tossed the cigarette on the ground and put it out with the sole of my boot.

"Hey!" called a voice. I turned to see the guy who had been at the club jogging towards me. He got to me and looked down at me. "I didn't get to introduce myself earlier, my name's Jacob Black."

"And why the fuck do you think I care?" I spat, immediately turning defensive.

He put his hands up in surrender. "I just…" even he seemed to be at a loss for words.

"You stalked me." I said. "You followed me home."

"I didn't _follow_ you." He said. "I saw you walking, alone, and figured I'd make sure you got home okay. There's lots of shit that happens in these streets at night."

"I walk these streets every night when I come home." I snapped. My hands were shaking slightly, so I shoved them in my jacket pocket. Neither Edward nor I needed to get busted tonight. "I'm perfectly fine walking home by myself. I'm not a four year old."

"Well, either way, bad things happen to young, beautiful girls at night." he said with a shrug. "Come on, give me a chance here. Don't bite my head off."

"Give you a chance?" I asked. "A chance at _what_ exactly? I have a boyfriend who's upstairs waiting for me right now."

"I'm just trying to be a gentleman here." he said.

"How drunk are you?" I demanded. "You were drunk back at the club, I doubt you've sobered up."

He shrugged again. "I feel perfectly fine."

"Go home." I said. "Before my boyfriend sees-I mean, before he comes down here and kicks your ass."

"Then I'd just arrest him." He said, smiling cockily. "Come on, live a little. Are you really _that _afraid of him seeing you?"

"I'm not afraid." I snapped. "I just…I don't…I don't want him to get worried." My mind was racing, and I was finding it difficult to put whole sentences together. Tonight was not a good night for Jacob to be bothering me. My neck felt itchy, but I didn't want to scratch it. I was afraid he would notice something off with me. It was his job to recognize these types of things. But, could he tell? I knew I was trying really hard for him to go, was I trying too hard? Was it obvious how badly I needed…what I needed?

"Listen," I said. "I don't know who the fuck you are, and I've had a long fucking day. Can you please just let me go home? I just…I really want to go home and sleep."

The look on his face told me he really didn't want to give this up. I stared up at him, begging with my eyes to just leave me alone.

"Fine." He finally said. "I'll leave you alone. You should, um, get some rest…you don't look too good."

"Thank you." I whispered and rushed into my apartment building.

I pressed the elevator call button about a million times, waiting for it to come. I was antsy as I waited, bouncing from one foot to the other. _Finally _it came and I rushed into it, and hit the button for my floor. It took an excruciating amount of time for it to reach my floor. As soon as the elevator doors opened, I bolted out of it and practically ran to the apartment I shared with Edward. Even with my hands shaking, I somehow managed to open the door and get inside.

I walked inside to see Edward dozing on the couch. That was fine; he didn't need to be awake for this. I knew how to do it perfectly well. I went into our bedroom and found his stash. I grabbed a mirror, a razor and went back to the living room. I put everything I needed on the coffee table, got down on my knees, and felt my mouth water a little bit. I prepared everything, and made two lines. I plugged one nostril with my finger and put the straw near my other one. I leaned forward, and snorted up one of the lines. I exhaled through my mouth, and then switched nostrils and snorted the other line.

Immediately I felt better, and much more awake. Now, it was time to wake up Edward.


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy New Year!**

Chapter 3

The next morning I lay in bed, alone, staring up at the ceiling. I hadn't done much sleeping the night before…and I could still feel the cocaine high coursing through my body. I wasn't entirely sure if Edward had used last night or not; I couldn't remember, but I did know that I felt amazing. Last night before I had gotten home had been awful…I could remember how horrible I had felt talking to…Jacob.

What was it about him that enticed me so much? Not even _I_ knew what it was about him. I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander back to him. What the fuck was it about him?

Yeah, he was hot. I couldn't deny that, but looking past his looks, what was it? I was attracted to a guy that I didn't even know. I had literally _just_ met him, and I wanted to see him again.

I got out of bed, and pulled on some clothes. I was wearing jeans and a long sleeved black shirt, and I put a dark purple scarf around my neck. I pulled my leather jacket on overtop of it. I went out the living room/kitchen area to see it empty. On the kitchen table was a note.

_Bella, I had to go sort some things out at the club, I'll be back late tonight. You aren't working tonight._

Perfect. Edward was going to be gone all day. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note for him, just in case he decided to come home early.

_Edward, Mike and I are meeting for lunch today and we're going to do a bit of shopping later on. I don't know when I'll be back, but it'll probably be before you get home._

I got my shoes on, grabbed my keys, and left the apartment. The police station wasn't too far from my apartment. I had walked past it numerous times before; it was a common site, and the only police station near us. This had to be where Jacob worked. I went into the station, and was greeted with cat calls, I couldn't see who they had come from, and I didn't look too closely to find out. I took a deep breath and went to the front desk area where a secretary was sitting. Her nametag said Emily on it.

"Hi, is Jacob here?" I asked.

"Just a second." She said.

She got up from the desk, and went into a room behind her. A few minutes later, she and Jacob came out. He looked at me, and confusion flitted across his face.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked.

He nodded. "Sure. My office?"

I nodded, and he led me to the room that he and Emily had come from. It was a small office, just a desk, with two chairs on one side and one comfy looking chair on the other side. He closed the door behind us, and sat on the side of the desk with the comfy looking chair.

"You can sit." He said, motioning to the other chairs.

"No, I can't really stay long." I said, tugging on a piece of my hair. "I just…I wanted to apologize for last night. I was a pretty big bitch to you and I was really rude. I'm sorry."

"Are you feeling better?" he asked. "You told me that you weren't feeling too good, are you better now?"

"Much better now." I said. "Thanks for asking."

"No problem…your boyfriend didn't give you any troubles?"

"No." I said hearing the anger in my own voice. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I didn't want to snap at him. That wasn't what I had come here for.

"I just want to know that you're okay." He said with a shrug.

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask, more out of curiosity than anger.

"I honestly don't know." He said. "There's just…there's something about you that intrigues me."

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to let him know that I was intrigued by him as well. I wanted to remain guarded. I didn't want him to know anything about me. It was as if he already knew too much, and he really didn't know much at all.

"Listen," he said. "I feel like we got off on the wrong start. Can I buy you a coffee or something? I've obviously done something to piss you off. I want to make it up to you."

"I _really_ don't think that would be appropriate." I said. "You don't need to do anything for me. I came here to apologize to you, not for you to try and make anything up to me. Don't worry."

"I want to." He said. "Are you afraid of your boyfriend seeing?"

Suddenly I felt ashamed. I didn't want Jacob to think of me as a coward.

"No. I'm not afraid." I said.

He cocked an eyebrow, and smiled cockily. "So prove it."

Obviously this was a game for him, but I didn't want to lose. Why did I so strongly feel that I had to prove to him that I wasn't afraid, and that I was perfectly capable of going to have coffee with him?

"Fine." I said. "Let's go, then."

He pulled on his jacket, and led me out the door of his office.

"Em, I'm going out for a bit. Is that okay?"

"It's a slow day, Jake." She said. "And you know you don't have to ask permission to leave."

"I feel like I have to." He said with a shrug before leading me out of the police station.

"Are there any coffee shops near here?" I asked.

"There's one within walking distance." He said.

"Listen, you know you don't have to do this, right?" I asked. "There are no hard feelings between us."

"I want to." He said.

I sighed. I didn't want Edward to see us, but I also didn't want to say no to Jacob…for various reasons. One, I didn't want him to get suspicious about me…about what I did in my spare time…I was super paranoid about that. And, secondly, I actually _wanted_ to go for coffee with Jacob. I had no idea why, but I just wanted to. It was wrong, and I felt like I was cheating on Edward, but I still wanted to.

As we walked down the street, we were quiet. Neither of us seemed to know what to say.

"So, are you originally from New York?" he asked, seeming to be content in finally finding something to say.

I shook my head. "I'm originally from this small town in Washington called Forks. I was born there, but ended up going to Phoenix with my mom when my parents divorced. Then when I was seventeen I moved back to Forks with my dad. Now I'm here."

Why the fuck had I just told him all that? I mentally slapped myself. I hadn't wanted to let him know anything about me, and I had just told him a key part of my life? Great.

"You're a small town girl?" he asked incredulously.

"Is it really that hard to believe?" I asked, smile creeping onto my face.

He chuckled. "I just wouldn't peg you as a small town girl."

"What about you?" I asked. "From New York?"

"Born and raised." He said. "Been here my whole life. Don't think I'll ever leave."

I nodded. I guess I could see where he was coming from. I had lived in Phoenix for most of my life. It had been hard to leave and move to Forks with my dad. We came to a small coffee shop and he opened the door for me, allowing me to go in before him. We ordered our coffees and sat at a small table.

"So, why'd you move to Forks?" he asked.

"My mom's new husband was a minor league baseball player, and they were going to have to start moving around the country, and I didn't want to go with them, so I decided to move in with my dad."

"And why'd you come here?" he asked. I gave him a look. "I'm sorry, I'm just curious."

"You're going to laugh at me." I warned.

"I promise I won't."

"Well… I guess I just sort-of saw New York City as this magical place. It just seemed so out-of-this-world…it had always been my dream to move to a big city." I shrugged. "I just ended up here."

"How'd you end up at your job?" he asked. "If you had moved to New York specifically to become a stripper, I'm sure you would've mentioned that."

"Well, I had wanted to just be able to live on my own and support myself, but I ended up with a really shitty job. Then I met Edward and he offered me my current job, and I took it." I explained. "Why did you become a police officer?"

"It's kind-of a sad story." He said, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sure I can handle it." I said.

"When I was a kid, my mom was killed. She was walking home one night and she got shot. They never found out who killed her, ever since her death my dad had always promised to find out who shot her." He took another deep breath. "When I was sixteen he wound up in the hospital because of a heart attack, and ended up having cancer. A few months later he died. Since he couldn't find out who killed my mom…I guess I put it on myself to find out…and becoming a cop would help me do that. And also, I can help other families who have been torn apart get some type of closure."

"Wow." I said, completely unsure of what to say to him. "I'm really sorry."

He waved it off. "It's all in the past."

"And you've never found out who shot your mom?" I asked.

"Nope." He said. "I don't think I ever will."

"Well I wouldn't give up." I said. "There's always hope."

He shrugged. "I guess. But I don't think I'll be able to find who did it. They're probably in another country, dead, or in jail."

I didn't know what to say. Obviously this still affected him deeply; I could see it in his face. He didn't want to have it affect him so much, but it still did, and to be honest it was completely understandable. If I were in his shoes, I would be doing the same thing, trying to find out who had killed my mother.

I sipped my coffee quietly. I was unsure of what to say to Jacob. What would one say to that?

"I should probably get going soon." I said quietly. "Thank you for the coffee."

"I really like you." He said, seeming to ignore what I had just said. "I know how childish and immature that sounds, but I'm attracted to you. I know that you have a boyfriend, but I can see that there's a tiny part of you that's attracted to me. Otherwise you wouldn't have come today. You wouldn't have shown up at the station and you wouldn't have come with me here."

I didn't say anything; he was right.

"See? You know I'm right." He said triumphantly.

I took a deep breath. "But what does it matter?" I stood up. "I should go."

He stood up too. "I'll walk you home."

"You really don't have to." I said.

"But I want to." He said.

"Fine." I said, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get out of it. He was just as stubborn as I was and he'd probably just follow me home anyway to make sure I got there okay. I walked out of the coffee shop, with Jacob trailing behind me. I could hear him laughing behind me.

"What's so funny?" I asked, stopping on the sidewalk and turning to look at him.

"Nothing." He said. "I was just thinking about how I won."

"How you won?" I repeated.

"Yup." He said, grinning cockily. "I got you to let me walk you home."

I gritted my teeth. I didn't have a comeback because I knew he was right. I began walking again, and he walked beside me. I pulled my pack of cigarettes out of my coat pocket, and offered him one, he declined, and so I pulled one out and lit it, taking a long drag from it.

"That's a bad habit." He said.

"I really don't care, to be honest." I said with a shrug.

I heard him sigh, but he didn't press the issue any more.

"You _really _didn't have to do this." I said, once we reached the apartment and I was done my cigarette. "I'm perfectly capable of walking myself home."

"But bad things happen on these streets." He said, grinning. "Don't want a beautiful woman like you getting hurt."

"Bad things also happen in the club I work in." I said.

"So quit." He said immediately.

I hesitated. What the hell could I say to that?

"I don't want to." I said.

He laughed. "I'm sure you don't."

"I'll see you later." I said, turning to go into the building.

"Wait!" he said, grasping my arm, and pulling me back. "Look, I'm sorry if I offended you. I really didn't mean to."

"You didn't." I said. "Can I go home now?"

I looked up at his face, not being able to resist noticing how handsome he really was. His tanned skin, jet black hair, dark brown eyes…I tore my gaze away from his face, feeling how badly I wanted him. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again…more than anything I wanted to kiss him again.

But I couldn't. I couldn't allow that to happen.

"Bella." He said softly, gently turning my face back to his. I found myself leaning into him…I tilted my head up towards his, and he leaned down, asking with his eyes if it was okay. I leaned even further against him, and reached up as far as I could before our lips connected. It was _so_ much more than when I kissed Edward. I could feel Jacob's passion for me, and I never wanted it to end. My heart was pounding as our mouths and tongues moved together. I _wanted _Jacob. I wanted him _so_ badly. I needed him.

My hands went up to his hair, and I ran my fingers through the short, soft locks. His hands were lingering on my hips. I never wanted this to end, but I knew the inevitable would happen sooner rather than later.

I broke apart from him, and we were both breathing heavily.

"I should um…probably go…um upstairs." I said quietly, looking away.

I glanced up at his face, seeing anger flash through his eyes, but it was just for a second.

He took his hands away from my body, and I stepped back.

I turned to go into my building, but turned to look at him again.

"That…that can't happen again." I said.

He walked up to me. "Don't hide your feelings because you're afraid of what he'll do."

"I'm not afraid of what he'll do." I said sincerely. "I love him."

"Come on Bella, please can you give me a chance?" he practically begged. "I can see how much you want it."

"I…I'll think about it." I said, abruptly turning and going into my apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I went back up to the apartment, still slightly out of breath from my encounter with Jacob. Honestly what _was _it about him that intrigued me so much? I unlocked the apartment door, to find what I thought was an empty apartment. I figured no one was home, because it was pretty much silent and Edward's shoes weren't here.

I went into the kitchen, without taking my jacket off, and got a bottle of water, I cracked it open and was about to take a swig but I heard something coming from my bedroom. My brow furrowed and I quietly padded to my closed bedroom door.

I was almost positive that I had left it open when I had left.

"Oh Edward!" I heard a voice moan.

My eyes narrowed in anger. He was _cheating_ on me?

I flung the bedroom door open. Sure enough, he was fucking some blonde girl in _our _bed.

"You fucking asshole!" I screamed. Immediately he jumped away from her, wrapping a blanket around his waist. The girl pulled the sheets up to her chin and held them tight against her.

"Bella! I thought you were going to be gone all day." He said, obviously panicked.

"How could you?" I growled. "You keep such a fucking tight leash on me, because you don't want _me_ to cheat on _you _and here you are fucking some girl behind my fucking back!" I went into the closet and grabbed my suitcase. I began throwing my belongings into it.

"Bella, please baby, don't leave." He begged. "I swear I'll never do it again."

"And how many other times have you done this?" I snarled. "Get the fuck out of my way." I pushed him out of my way and went into the bathroom to get all of my things. He followed me.

"I've never cheated on you before. This was a one-time thing, I promise." He said. "Please baby, don't go."

"Fuck off." I said. I made sure I had everything that I would need or want, and pushed past him again. I took one last look around the bedroom, trying to see if there was anything I had missed. In the corner I saw my favourite black boots, and I snatched them, and stuffed them in my suitcase. I zipped it up, and left the bedroom.

I almost made it to the front door, when I was pulled back.

"Baby, please stay." He said. "Come on, I'm so sorry."

"If you hadn't gotten caught you'd still be in there fucking her!" I yelled.

"Where are you going to go?" he asked desperately.

"Why the fuck do you care?" I demanded. "You treat me like absolute shit; this was just the last straw Edward."

"I've provided you with a job!" he said angrily. "And your little 'fixes'. Who else is going to give that to you?"

"Do you think I'm going to stay with you just for drugs and working as a fucking stripper?" I yelled. "No thank you. Oh and by the way, don't expect me at work again. I quit!"

I wrenched my arm away from him and left the apartment, slamming the door shut behind me.

I stormed down the hallway of the apartment building and to the elevator. I pressed the call button a bunch of times wanting to get the fuck out of this building. Down the hall, I heard Edward open the apartment door, and start running down the hall. As the elevator doors opened, I rushed in as I heard Edward call for me one more time, and caught a glimpse of him just making it to the elevator as the doors closed.

I wasn't sure where I was going to go. Maybe I could stay with Alice and Jasper, just for a few days. I wasn't sure if I should though, I didn't want Edward to know where I was. Alice and Jasper's place seemed like too much of an obvious place to go.

I called Emmett. I knew that his place was pretty obvious too, but I also knew that if Emmett knew that I didn't want to see Edward, Emmett would beat the shit out of him if he came by.

"Emmett, I know its short notice, but can I stay with you and Rose for a bit?" I asked once he answered the phone.

"Yeah Bells, of course, what's wrong?" I began walking out of the apartment building and down the street towards Emmett and Rosalie's place.

"I caught Edward cheating on me." I said. "I've broken up with him and quit my job at the club."

"Shit, Bells, that's rough. Do you want me to come pick you up?"

"No, I'm fine walking." I said. "I'll be there soon." I hung up on Emmett and continued to lug my suitcase down the sidewalk. I was already out of fucking breath from carrying the stupid thing.

"Bella?" called a voice. I turned to see a beat up red car driving towards me. In the driver's seat was Jacob.

"Fuck." I whispered. He pulled up to the curb and got out of his car. He came up to the sidewalk and stood in front of me. I hadn't wanted to see Jacob on the way to Emmett and Rosalie's house. I didn't want to have to explain to him why I was walking the streets with a giant ass suitcase.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Um…" I stammered, unsure of how to say what I wanted to say. "Well…I'm, um, I've left Edward."

He looked at me, surprise passing through his features. "You've actually left him?"

I nodded. "I got home to see him fucking a girl in our bed."

"Aw shit Bella, I'm sorry to hear that."

I waved it off. "Honestly, that was just the last straw. I had thought about leaving him before this happened."

"Do you have a place to stay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm staying with a couple friends." I said.

"Let me drive you there." He said.

I grudgingly allowed him too. I could have said no, but I didn't want to have to carry my suitcase the whole way there. I got into Jacob's car while he put my suitcase in his trunk. Once he was in the driver's seat, I told him where Emmett and Rosalie's apartment was. We were both quiet as he drove. I was deep in thought at how much of a shit hole my life had become. I was a coke addicted stripper.

Well, I wasn't a stripper anymore. Now I was a fucking jobless coke addict. As Jacob pulled up to Emmett and Rosalie's apartment building, I turned to him.

"Thank you for driving me here." I said.

"Give me your phone." He said, once the car was parked.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I want to give you my number, so that if you need anything, you don't have to walk around the city looking for me." He explained.

I fished my phone out of my pocket and handed it to him. He put his name and number in before handing it back to me.

"If you ever need anything, I'm just a phone call away." He said.

"Thank you, Jacob." I said, getting out of his car. He got out too and went around to his trunk. He opened it and took my suitcase out of it, before coming back around the car to me and giving it to me.

"I guess I'll, um, see you later." I said.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, I know you haven't had any time to really think about what I said earlier…but if you want to go for coffee or out to dinner sometime…I'd be more than willing."

A smile spread across my face, despite my own inner wishes for my face to remain neutral.

"I'd really like that." I said.

He grinned as he got back into his car. "Give me a call sometime."

"I will." I whispered after he had closed his car door and started driving away. He waved once, before speeding off. I went into the apartment building and buzzed Emmett and Rosalie's apartment. Emmett answered and let me in. I got into the elevator and went up to their floor. When the elevator stopped, I dragged my suitcase out of the elevator and went down the hall to their apartment. I knocked on the door and Rosalie answered it.

"Come in." she said. "I'm sorry to hear what happened with Edward."

I waved off her apology. "Don't be. Thank you so much for letting me stay here, I promise it's just until I can get back on my feet."

She smiled. "Bella, you are always welcome here. You can stay for as long as you need to."

I hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much, Rose. I don't know what I'd be doing without you two right now."

Emmett came out of one of the bedrooms and grinned at me. "Hey Bells, how ya doin'?"

It always made me smile when Emmett called me Bells. It reminded me of home. My dad always called me Bells.

"I'm okay." I said. "Forever grateful."

He took my suitcase from me and went into the room he had previously come out of.

As he came out, he told me that that would be my room for the duration of my stay.

"We'll try and help you find a place to work." Rosalie said. "Where did you work before you worked in the club?"

"You know that little antiques shop on Stanton?" I asked. She nodded. "There."

"The owner of that shop is fucking creepy." Rose said.

"That's why I don't work there anymore." I said. "He's perverted. But, if it comes to that, I'll go back there. I might have to."

"We'll try and help you as much as we can." She said.

"Thank you guys, so much." I said. "I don't know how I can thank you enough."

They both grinned at me.

"Oh…and if Edward asks, you guys don't know where I am." I said. "I don't want to see or talk to him."

"I'll kick his ass if he tries." Emmett said. "He may be one of my closest friends, but I won't hesitate to beat the shit out of him for you."

I smiled. "That really means a lot to me, Emmett. Thank you."

"How long will it take you to stop thanking us?" he laughed.

That night, I was lying in the bed that they had provided me. I stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. I had decided to try and get clean. Now that I had virtually no money, I wouldn't be able to pay for the drugs.

I would do it on my own. I didn't want anyone to try and help me quit. I didn't need help, nor did I want it. I was just going to try and quit cold turkey.

I also needed to find a job as soon as I could. I didn't want to go back to the store. I had hated it there. But, if I absolutely had to go back there, I would. I'm sure I wouldn't have a problem getting my job back. He owned a pretty popular shop, he always needed help stocking shelves or working at the register.

I thought back to my day today. So much had happened it almost made my head spin. Coffee with Jacob, kissing him, catching Edward with some girl, seeing Jake again on my way here, and finally, lying here right now.

I was so exhausted, yet for some reason I couldn't seem to fall asleep. Was it simply because I was in an unfamiliar room?

I didn't know. I had crashed on both Alice and Jasper's, and Rosalie and Emmett's couches before. What was so odd about tonight?

Was it because I didn't have anyone lying beside me? I was used to having Edward lying in bed beside me, even when we had crashed on our friends' couches.

I sighed. I guess I'd have to get used to sleeping alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day I was on Rosalie and Emmett's laptop searching for jobs and eating a bowl of cereal in the living room. Edward had called me a couple times, but I hadn't answered. I didn't want to hear from him or talk to him. All he needed to know was that I wasn't working for him anymore and I wasn't his girlfriend anymore.

I sighed quietly, thinking yet again about Jacob. Honestly, why was I so drawn to him? What was it about him that enticed me so much? Why was I so interested in him? Why was he so interested in me? And why couldn't I stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I tried?

Even when I had still been with Edward, even while I was high the night after I had met Jacob, I hadn't been able to get my mind off of him. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and even fantasizing about him.

I looked at the long list of available jobs, none of which I was qualified for. I sighed and shut down the laptop.

"Bells, Rosie and I are going to go do some grocery shopping, do you wanna come?" Emmett asked, coming into the living room.

"No." I said. "Edward might be there or something."

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not that I know of."

He looked down the hall, as if to see if Rose was coming, and then came over to me.

"Listen, Bells, I wanted to talk to you about something." He said and took a deep breath. "I think you should quit, or at least cut down on the drugs. You know what happened with Rosie…it makes her uncomfortable…she didn't want to say anything to you, but I could tell that she was thinking about it."

Rosalie used to be into the really heavy shit. She used to do cocaine, meth, ecstasy, and even heroin.

"Emmett, I was actually thinking about that last night. I'm going to try to quit." I said.

"If you need help, let us know." He said. "There rehab clinic Rosie went to is good, she's been clean for over a year now."

I shook my head. "I want to do this on my own. Completely. I don't want anyone's help to quit. I'm going to do this by myself."

"Well just let me know if you need anything." He said, just as Rosalie came into the living room.

"I'll text one of you if I think of anything I need." I smiled. Emmett winked at me before turning and joining Rose at the front door.

"Bye guys." I said as they both waved bye to me and left the apartment. I looked around. There was absolutely nothing to do. The apartment was spotless, as Rose was pretty much a clean freak. I had sent my resume to a couple places, but I doubted I would hear back from any of them. I was qualified for nothing. I only had my high school education, and I had worked in two places. Both of which I had pretty much been hired solely for my body.

I wanted to break down and cry at what a shit hole my life had become, but I couldn't. I would remain strong and get on with my life. I had to pick myself up and get myself out of this mess.

I picked up my phone off the table beside me, and looked at Jacob's number, wondering for the umpteenth if I should call him or not. I wanted to call him, but I wasn't sure if I should or not.

_Fuck it_. I thought. I pressed the call button and put the phone against my ear. I found my stomach turning in anticipation as I waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" said his husky voice.

"Hi…Jacob, it's Bella." I said.

"Hey Bella." He said, I could hear the smile in his voice. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out later on?" Ugh. Hang out? What were we, in fourth grade?

"Sure…do you want to meet up somewhere?" he asked. "Or, I could come pick you up."

"Um…could you come pick me up?" I asked.

"That's fine with me. When?"

"Anytime." I said. "I'm not doing anything today."

"I can come by now." He said.

"That's fine." I said, jumping up off the couch and rushing into my bedroom.

"Alright, I'll be there in about twenty minutes." He said.

"Alright, see you soon." I said, ripping off my pyjama bottoms.

Fifteen minutes later I was outside the apartment building. I had done a whirlwind job of perfecting my makeup and outfit. I hadn't thought he'd be available right away. I saw his beat up car pulling up and as it stopped in front of me I hopped inside.

"You know, with such a well-paying job and such a nice jacket, you'd think you'd be able to afford a nicer car." I teased.

He chuckled. "I _do _have a much nicer car, but I've had this car since I was sixteen. How could I get rid of it?"

I rolled my eyes. "So where do you want to go?"

He shrugged. "You tell me."

"I have no idea." I said with a chuckle. "I would offer to buy you coffee, but I'm kind of broke right now, and it wouldn't be fair to you to pay again."

He laughed. "Alright, how does my apartment sound, then?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"To hang out." He said with a laugh.

"Alright." I said.

"If you aren't comfortable…"

"I am." I said with a smile.

He drove to his apartment building, and pulled into a spot in the underground parking lot beside a shiny black Corvette.

"_That's_ my other car." he said, motioning to the Corvette.

I didn't want to say anything about it; after all I _had _made fun of him for his shitty, beat up car.

He led me to the elevator in the building and we went up to his floor.

I couldn't help but stare at him. Suddenly I _wanted _him. I wanted to grab him and kiss him with everything I had in me.

He looked over at me, and I could almost _feel_ the lust fill my vision.

"Jacob," I began, looking away from him. This was much better. It was easier to talk to him than have to stare at him. "Jacob, I'm attracted to you. I'm _really _attracted to you."

"I know." He said softly. "I can see it."

He moved closer to me so he was standing right in front of me. I looked up at him. He put his hands on my hips and leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back with as much passion as was humanly possible. I _needed_ him.

By the time the elevator doors opened we were both breathing heavily, and I was _so _aroused…I wanted him so badly it was unreal.

He led me into his apartment, and once the door behind was closed; I grabbed him and kissed him with all my might. He pressed me up against the closed door, and lifted me off the ground by my hips so my legs went around his waist.

"Wait," he said against my mouth. "No, we need to stop."

"What?" I asked looking at him.

"This…this isn't right."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Bella, we _just _met…I think, I think we should get to know each other a bit more before we…"

"I agree." I said. "I…I didn't come here for sex."

He touched my face tenderly. "I know you didn't."

For the rest of the day we just hung out together, and it was nice. With Jacob, it was like I was in a worry-free world, and all my troubles just sort-of washed away. I _really _enjoyed hanging out with Jacob. It was _fun_.

**AN: I'm sorry for the tease :) I actually have a future chapter written, and I honestly cannot wait to share it with you all! **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As Jacob was driving me home, we drove past a restaurant that had a help wanted sign in the window.

"Wait, pull into there." I said. He looked at me oddly but obliged. He pulled into a parking spot, and I jumped out of his car and went inside.

"Hi, I saw your sign in the window, and I was wondering if I could apply?" I asked the girl at the front of the restaurant.

"Sure, just fill out these forms." She said, reaching underneath her little podium thing and handing me some paperwork and a pen.

"Thank you." I said, taking the sheets and pen from her. "Can I sit at a table?"

She nodded and led me to an empty table. A few moments later, Jacob came in and sat with me.

He cocked an eyebrow. "You're applying here?"

I nodded. "I need a job."

I heard him chuckle but I ignored it and continued filling out the paperwork. When I was done I gave them back to the girl at the front and she told me that they'd give me a call letting me know if I landed an interview within the week.

Jacob and I left the restaurant together and I felt comfortable with him. I felt_ so_ comfortable and safe with him.

I was so used to trying to remain strong in public and not letting my real emotions come out. I was used to feeling like I had to do everything myself. It felt weird that I felt like I could take comfort from Jacob. He put his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him as we walked back to his car.

We got to his beat up little rabbit and I slid into the passenger seat.

"Do you ever use your corvette?" I teased.

He chuckled. "Sometimes."

I rolled my eyes and twirled a piece of hair around my finger. I was comfortable in the silence with him, something I had never been with Edward. With Edward every moment of silence had to be filled with meaningless words that neither of us had ever really paid much attention to.

I hadn't even thought about cocaine since last night in bed either and I hadn't used since that night with Edward. How long ago had that even been? I wasn't sure, but it made me feel good.

I was used to using at least every other day, and I had barely even thought about it since I had used it last. Normally by now I would've begun feeling the need creep down my neck, but it hadn't.

I looked at Jacob. Maybe it was him helping me, without even knowing it. He didn't know that I was into coke; maybe he unintentionally kept me away from it and kept me grounded. Maybe Jacob was doing more good to me than I even knew.

As we pulled up to Emmett and Rose's apartment building, I felt an inexplicable sadness wash over me. I didn't want to leave him yet.

He turned and looked at me. "Today was fun."

I nodded. "Yeah, it was."

He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine.

"We should meet up soon again." He said softly.

"I'd like that." I said. "Give me a call sometime."

"For sure." He said before I exited his car. I went up to their apartment feeling elated. I was actually happy with Jacob…he made me feel good, and not only physically. He made it feel like there was nothing wrong in my life…he made me forget all my problems.

Once I got inside the apartment, neither of them were there and realized just how late it actually was. Rose was working tonight at the club, and so was Emmett. I hadn't realized that it was already after eleven o'clock.

I went into my bedroom and grabbed my pyjama pants and a tank top. I then went into the bathroom and started the shower. I stripped down and hopped in, relishing in the feeling of the hot water cascading down my body. Showers never ceased to relax me. The feeling of the hot water just soothed my muscles so much, it was almost indescribable.

As the hot water began to run out and turn into icy pellets, I shut the water off and wrapped a towel tight around myself.

I put my hair up in a bun and got into my pyjamas. I left the bathroom and crawled into bed, taking comfort in the warmth underneath the blankets. I thought back to my day with Jacob. It had been so nice spending the day with him, he made me feel good.

He made me feel good about myself in a way that Edward never had. When I had been with Edward I had never felt _truly _comfortable, but with Jacob I felt like I could let loose and not be afraid of saying the wrong thing…it felt nice.

I curled into a little ball on my bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing, and I scrambled to get it, almost dropping it a couple times. I checked the number, but didn't recognize it. I contemplated not answering it, but then I thought that it might have been the restaurant and answered.

"Hello, Isabella?" it was a man's voice. "I'm Joey, the manager of Joey's Pizzeria. I looked over your application and was wondering if you were still interested in the position?"

"Yes, I'm still interested." I said.

"Could you come in today for an interview?"

"Sure." I said.

"How does one o'clock sound?"

"That's perfect." I said. "I'll see you then."

I hung up my phone and looked at the clock. It was ten o'clock so I had lots of time to get ready. I went into the bathroom and fixed my hair and did my makeup. As I was leaving the bathroom, I bumped into Rose.

"You look nice." She said.

"I have an interview." I said.

"Oh, where?" she asked.

"Joey's Pizzeria." I said.

"They make the _best _panzerottis there!" she said. "Do you need help picking out an outfit?"

"Umm sure." I said.

For the next half hour, Rose helped me decide what to wear. We decided on a nice, navy blue dress shirt, and black jeans, with a pair of nice black heels.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" she asked once I was in the outfit.

My thoughts flashed to Jacob, but I figured he'd be working.

"If you don't mind." I said.

"Of course I don't." she said with a smile. "We'll leave in about ten minutes, okay?"

I nodded as she left my room. I slipped my phone in my pocket, and grabbed my purse. I will admit that I was kind of nervous, who wouldn't be? This was the first time I had really had to have an interview. Edward had just given me the job, and the owner of the antiques shop had just looked at my tits and given me the job.

Ten minutes later Rose and I were down in her car, and she drove to the restaurant.

"I'm sure you'll do fine, Joey's super nice, I'm sure you'll land the job." She said.

"Good." I said. "I need it."

She pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, and I got out of the car.

"Hopefully I won't be too long." I said.

"Take your time." She said, smiling at me. "Good luck!"

"Thanks." I said, going into the restaurant. I went to the front desk and told the hostess why I was here. She led me through the restaurant and to a door. She knocked, and I heard a man's voice tell her to come in. She led me inside and I saw a man sitting at a desk.

"Isabella?" he asked.

I nodded. "That's me."

He told the hostess to leave, and told me to sit down in the chair across from him, and he just asked me questions about myself, my experience, and my availability. Afterwards, he gave me a tour of the restaurant and told me that I would be serving people, and possibly seating them.

"Can you come in for training tomorrow night?" he asked.

I nodded. "That's fine."

"Swing by at about ten, how does that sound?"

"Perfect." I said with a smile.

We shook hands and I left the restaurant and slid into Rose's car.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"Great." I said. "I'm going in for training tomorrow night."

"That's amazing, Bella!" she said, hugging me tightly. "I'm so proud of you."

I smiled. "Thanks Rose."

As we drove back to her and Emmett's apartment, a strange sense of pride washed over me. I was proud of myself for getting a job, and beginning to get my life back on track. I could almost see the pieces of my life forming back together. I was _finally _getting something right in my life, and I was glad to have more control over my life again.

I vowed to myself to never go back to Edward, and to never go back to the drugs again. It'd be rough, but knowing that I now had a, hopefully, good job, and two friends who would stand by me, and Jacob there to support me, I knew that I would be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

My first day at work was hectic. I was still training, and I was on my feet for the entire shift. It was tiring, and by the time I went on break I was exhausted.

I sat outside the restaurant, smoking a cigarette.

"You'll get used to it soon enough," Said a girl's voice from behind me.

I turned to see another waitress leaning against one of the walls outside, puffing away on her own cigarette.

"It'll seem super crazy your first few shifts, but you'll get used to the fast paced environment soon enough," She said. She came and sat beside me. "I'm Tanya."

"I'm Bella," I said quietly.

"You'll get used to it," she assured me again, finishing off her cigarette and going back inside.

As it turned out, Tanya had been right. Within two weeks, I was used to the fast paced work environment, and I could navigate through the restaurant expertly. Tanya and I became somewhat friends, which surprised me; I hadn't expected a friend when I had applied here.

Jacob and I also grew immensely closer. I was pretty sure we were "officially" a couple, whatever that _really _meant. Tonight, after work, he was picking me up and we were going back to his apartment. Tonight would be the first night I had stayed at his place…and hopefully another first for us…if I wasn't too exhausted. Just thinking about Jacob made my stomach flutter in excitement. I yearned to see him again.

As I was on my break, I felt the familiar tug in the back of my mind, which had seemed to get stronger every day. I could feel the need building in the back of my mind…and I had noticed the familiar shaking of my hands. For once, it wasn't as bad as it normally was; I was convinced Jacob had helped with that. For the past two weeks I had seen him almost every day. I ignored all thoughts of the temptation, and pushed my thoughts back to Jacob. I felt a cold sweat break out on the back of my neck, but I, again, ignored it, and forced Jacob back into my mind. I would not allow my addiction to control me.

By the end of my shift, I felt weird. I was super excited to see Jacob, but I also felt horrible. Before I went to see him, I smoked a quick cigarette, hopefully that would help in some way. It didn't help much. I needed Jacob. When I was done my cigarette, I practically ran out to the parking lot, searching for his car. I saw his beat up, crappy, old Rabbit, and went straight for it.

I flung open the passenger door, and slid inside.

"Hi," I said, smiling widely at him. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"How was work?" he asked, starting the car and beginning to drive.

I leaned back against my seat. "Tiring."

"Hope you aren't too exhausted," He said with a wink.

Good. We were on the same page. I smiled. "Of course not. Never when you're around."

In the underground parking lot of his building, we walked together to the elevators. I was beginning to feel horrible, and I felt feverish. I hid it as best I could, but just from the way Jacob's posture changed slightly I could tell he knew that something was wrong. He didn't ask, and I didn't tell him.

I didn't know what I was going to do. Soon enough the need would get unbearable and I would _need _to indulge. I didn't want to, but maybe quitting cold turkey wasn't the best thing. Maybe if I began just cutting back on it it'd be better.

I had no idea what to do. And I didn't want to go to rehab, or get any type of professional help. I needed to do this on my own. Once inside the elevator, Jacob grasped my hand.

"Whoa, Bella, you're burning up. Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "It just gets pretty hot in the restaurant. That's probably all it is."

"Bella, you've been out of work for twenty minutes. You would've cooled off by now," He said.

I felt annoyance bubble in the pit of my stomach. I felt horrible and irritable, but I didn't want to snap at Jacob. That would just make everything even worse. He was supposed to make me feel better, not worse.

"I'm fine," I said, plastering a smile on my face and reaching up to kiss him.

I knew that he didn't like it, but he didn't fight with me any more on the matter. However, once in his apartment, things changed.

Everything started off just fine, but after what seemed like minutes things changed for the worse.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Jacob asked. "I could make you something."

Eating was the _last _thing I wanted to do right now. "No, I'm fine. I ate at the restaurant."

"I don't believe that, Bella," he said. "Please let me make you something, you obviously aren't well."

"Jacob, I'm fine," I said. "Can you stop asking now?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't like it. You're burning up; I don't think I've ever felt someone with a temperature this high."

"If I begin to feel bad, I promise you can take me to the hospital." I lied. Of course, I knew I wouldn't allow him to take me to the hospital. But hopefully it would put him at ease, for at least a little bit.

I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't like it, and I was waiting for him to continue on, but he didn't, and it surprised me.

"I don't want to argue with you." He said. "But I'm just trying to look out for you."

For some reason, this angered me. "I've gone the past two years without having anyone looking out for me, Jacob, I don't need it now."

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because you're pissing me off." I said angrily. "I think I should just go home."

"Please don't." he said, grasping my arm. "I'm worried about you. Something's going on, and I can see that you don't want to tell me. You look like you're about to pass out, you're scaring me."

"Goodnight, Jacob." I snapped, grabbing for my coat.

"Bella, come on, please don't leave." He begged. "How are you going to get home?"

"I have legs, don't I?" I asked sarcastically.

"Sleep here." he said desperately. "I'll sleep out here on the couch, please don't go, Bella, I need to know that you're safe."

"No." I said angrily.

We locked eyes, and I could tell that he was trying to suppress his anger. He was trying not to get angry with me; I could see it in his eyes.

"I've gone the past two years looking after myself, even with having a boyfriend. I don't need to start depending on someone now. Don't think you need to be Superman for me, because I don't want or need that shit."

Snap.

"And he treated you like absolute shit!" Jacob said angrily. "I'm sorry for trying to actually be a good boyfriend to you, but most of the time you look out for each other in a relationship, which is what I'm trying to do here. Obviously you aren't used to being treated right by men."

That stung. I recoiled as if he had slapped me, and he noticed.

"I didn't mean it like that, you know that." He said.

"But you still said it." I snapped.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He said.

"Good bye Jacob." I said, putting on my coat and flinging his apartment door open.

"Bella, baby, please." He begged, pulling me back. "Why are you acting this way?"

"Let go of me." I growled. "I'm going home."

I wrenched my arm free of his grasp and stormed down the hall. I heard his apartment door slam shut, and I'll admit that it made me jump, but I kept going, oddly feeling close to tears, but I was so angry, the sadness took a back seat in my mind.

I punched the call elevator button with my finger, and waited, getting agitated at the amount of time it was taking for the elevator to come.

I hated to admit it, but I knew what I needed.

_Jacob_

As I watched her walk down the hall, I considered going after her, but I knew it would be no use. I slammed my apartment door shut in anger. How could I have let this happen? I wanted to run after her and envelope her in my arms, and find out what was wrong with her.

I slumped onto the couch and held my head in my hands. I didn't know what had even caused our fight…she looked so sick tonight, it had terrified me. I was terrified right now at the thought of her walking home alone. I had no idea what state she'd make it home in…or if she'd make it home at all.

I wished that she had just stayed here. I would have left her alone to sleep in my bed, alone. That would have been a lot safer than her walking alone right now.

This was not how I had planned to spend my night with her. I had imagined that I'd wake up with her in my arms.

Now I didn't know if I'd be able to sleep at all tonight.

_Bella_

"Johnny, its Bella Swan." I said, clutching the phone close to my ear, feeling a bead of sweat roll down the back of my neck. I was going crazy...and that fight with Jacob last night wasn't helping either. I _needed _to use. And Emmett and Rosalie could _not _know about it. They'd kick me out for sure.

"You're Cullen's girlfriend, aren't you?" he asked.

"_Ex_-girlfriend." I corrected. I was standing outside the restaurant after just finishing an eight hour shift.

"What can I do for you today, Bella?" he asked.

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I _need _something."

He chuckled. "And what might that _something _be?"

"I can't exactly say it…I'm in public." I said.

"Let me guess…some coke?"

"Yes." I said immediately.

"Do you know where to come?" he asked. "Where the meeting place is, I mean."

"No. It was always Edward who got it from you." While Edward had always been the one to go get it from him, sometimes I had called him.

He gave me the directions to a nearby drugstore close to where I worked. As he was telling me how to get there, I immediately began walking. He told me that he'd be there in about five minutes and he'd be in the parking lot around the back of the store. After we hung up I couldn't help but think back to Jacob. Our argument last night was fueling this binge even further. I was so angry with him…and I hadn't seen or talked to him since last night. He had called me a few times while I was working, but I hadn't returned his calls. I was pissed off at him.

Within five minutes I was there, waiting for him behind the store. My purse was slung over my shoulder as I saw a black car pull up. He rolled down the passenger side window, and I peered in the car.

"Johnny?" I asked.

"Bella, come in." he said. When I hesitated he turned the car off and held the key out to me. "I won't try and kidnap you."

I opened the car door and took the key from him.

"I can tell you're desperate." He said.

I nodded. "I really, really am. How much?"

"How much do you have?" he asked.

"I have one hundred in cash." I lied. I actually had more, but I was hunting for a new apartment, I needed to save as much as I could. I knew that Jacob had offered to let me stay with him, but I wanted to be a bit more independent than that.

"That's it?" he asked. "That's a bit too little…"

"Please." I whispered. "I'm desperate."

He took a deep breath. "One-fifty. That's the lowest I can go sweetheart."

"Deal." I said immediately, opening my purse and pulling my wallet out. I counted out one hundred and fifty dollars and handed it to him. He reached into the back seat and pulling out a small black bag.

"This should last you at least a week." He said. "At most three."

"Thank you so much." I said, taking it from him and stuffing it into my purse.

I handed him back his key and slid out of his car. I wouldn't be able to wait until I got home to indulge. I watched him drive away and then, against my better judgement, rooted through my purse until I found a make-up mirror, debit card, and dollar bill. I literally sat on the ground and prepared a few lines. I wasn't even sure how many; I was too desperate to even keep track, and I began to snort them. It felt so amazing to feel it work its way through my nose and into my brain. I could literally _feel_ it working its magic…it felt so amazing that I just kept on going…until there was none left and I was literally soaring from the high of it. It felt so amazing, and so welcome back in my system, I was on such a higher level it was unreal. I couldn't distinguish what was real anymore, but I was in a good place now. Jacob had completely left my mind. All I could think about was how amazing I felt.

Why had I wanted to give this up? Why would I ever want to give up feeling this great? I had been a fool to think I could actually do it.

None of my thoughts seemed to be real anymore. I was just soaring. It didn't matter where I was, or what I was even doing. I didn't even know anymore…and then it all went black.

_Jacob_

"Jake, we got a call about a girl passed out on a sidewalk. We have to go." Paul said urgently, coming into my office.

I looked up, slightly distracted and completely exhausted, at him. "What?"

"Up on Rivington. There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk; a woman called in and let us know, she's waiting there now." He said.

My stomach lurched, that was right near where Bella worked. I tried not to think that it was her. I stood up and went to the office door. "Let's go."

We got into the cruiser and Paul drove. Whoever had called him had told him the exact place.

I had considered not coming in at all today. I hadn't slept at all last night, and I had called Bella a few times today, but I hadn't gotten through to her…she was either working or ignoring me.

I guessed it was the latter.

"Why are we being called?" I asked, trying to keep my mind off of Bella. "Why didn't they ask for the ambulance?"

"The woman doesn't know if the girl is dead or alive. If she's dead, it may be a homicide."

As we pulled up to the sidewalk, I saw exactly who the girl was who was passed out.

"That's Bella!" I said, flinging myself out of the car. "Fuck!" I ran to her body…she looked so lifeless…so pale…so dead.

I checked her pulse. It was faint, but it was there.

"Paul, call an ambulance. Now." I said, turning to look at him. He looked like he was about to be sick. While we had dealt with many bodies before, it had never been someone either of us knew. There was dried blood caked underneath her nose, and her breathing was shallow.

What the fuck had happened to her? How could I have let this happen to her?

"Bella baby, come on, wake up." I whispered. "Bella, please answer me." I found myself begging for her to wake up, to show some sign of life. I cradled her in my arms. "Bella baby, please say something."

"Jake, what the fuck are you doing?" Paul demanded. "You shouldn't be touching her."

"She isn't dead." I snapped. I lay her out on the ground and began performing CPR on her. I hoped that it would help her; maybe get her heart rate higher or her breathing more regular. My thoughts were a scattered mess, and I regretted everything I had said to her last night…I just needed her to wake up.

After what seemed like hours the ambulance got here. They didn't want to let me ride in the ambulance with her, but once I showed them my badge they let me right away.

In the ambulance, the convulsions started.

"What's wrong with her?" I demanded.

"Cocaine overdose." One of the paramedics said expertly.

Anger boiled up in the pit of my stomach. Cocaine? Since when was she into that shit?

"Are you sure?" I demanded.

He nodded. "The signs of a cocaine overdose are obvious and different from other drug overdoses. See her convulsing? That's a clear sign. Also, seizures are common with this type of thing."

"Will you be able to help her?" I asked.

"We hope so." He said. "Hopefully you got her to us in enough time."

Her body began to shake, and the paramedics calmly watched her. I knew I should've been calm, and on the outside I probably looked calm, but inside was a different story. I was freaking out…seeing her like this…it was terrible.

I blamed myself for this more than anything. She had left me to go find cocaine…how long had she been using?

Then a thought struck me that made my blood boil.

Had Cullen gotten her hooked? Was it his fault she was like this right now?

If it was, I would murder him myself.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Jacob_

Waiting for her to wake up was absolutely horrible. The doctors had said that they weren't exactly sure how long it'd be until she woke up…hopefully it'd be soon. She had always been thin, but looking at her lying there in the hospital bed for some reason made her look even thinner.

I was angry. I wasn't necessarily angry with Bella, I was angry with her jackass ex-boyfriend. When I got my hands on him…

My thoughts snapped back to Bella, before I got even angrier. I didn't want to think about him while I was waiting for Bella to wake up. The doctors had told me that I had gotten them to her just in time. I had called Rosalie and told her what was going on, and she was on her way here with Emmett. I was almost positive that Emmett would be angry about this. I had spoken to Emmett a few times and I could tell that he treated her as if she was his little sister. I could tell that he was protective of her. Idly, I wondered if he had known about her cocaine issues, or if this had been a one-time thing.

I hoped that this had just been a one-time thing, but in the back of my mind I knew that it wasn't. Last night before she stormed out, I could tell that she wasn't well. She hadn't wanted to say anything, but I could tell that something wasn't right with her.

"I'll fucking kill him Rosie," I could hear Emmett from around the corner. My stomach lurched for a split second. Did he mean me? "He was the one who got her hooked on that shit and now she's in the hospital." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Emmett, calm down," I heard Rosalie say, trying to get him to relax.

The entered Bella's hospital room and I could see Emmett's expression change from anger to downright fury.

"He's a fucking dead man," Emmett growled.

"You aren't the only one who wants to get their hands around his neck," I said, feeling anger bubble in my stomach at the thought of Edward fucking Cullen.

"I knew she had had issues with cocaine, but she was doing so well," Rosalie said quietly. "She had told us she was quitting…"

"Well at least you knew she had issues with it," I said, trying not to sound bitter.

"I offered to help her, but she said she wanted to do it on her own. Maybe I should've forced her. Maybe then she wouldn't be in here now…I could've prevented this," Emmett said.

I leaned back in the chair I was sitting in and let all the air out of my lungs. Last night I had noticed how sick she had looked, why had I let her leave? I should've fought harder to make her stay. I should have forced her to stay. Maybe that way she wouldn't be laying there right now…looking so thin and frail.

After what seemed like an eternity, her eyes fluttered open.

_Bella_

As I opened my eyes, I could feel the tension in the room. When I looked around and saw that Jacob, Rosalie and Emmett were all watching me worriedly, making me feel uncomfortable…I knew exactly what had happened.

Then, I realized that I was in a hospital and that I was hooked up to an IV.

It was Jacob who spoke first of all of them.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

How _did_ I feel? Was the cocaine still coursing through my veins? I wasn't sure. I didn't think so. I felt well rested, as if I had just woken up from a long crash. I felt perfectly fine and healthy…which was strange. Normally after a crash I felt groggy and irritable.

Maybe I was still high? I had no idea.

"I feel…fine," I said, throat feeling a bit hoarse. "I…I'm so sorry." I didn't know who that was exactly addressed to. Jacob? Who I had pretty much lied to for our entire relationship? Emmett and Rosalie? For going back to the devilish drug?

"Oh Bella, don't apologize," Rosalie said, voice full of sympathy. "I remember what it was like, trying to quit."

I didn't want to look at Jacob. I felt so ashamed because of what had happened. I didn't want him to see me. I knew that that was ridiculous; from the small glance at his face I had taken I could see how exhausted he was. He had probably stayed up all night. Idly, I wondered how long I had been here.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"7 pm," Jacob said. "Rosalie, Emmett? You wouldn't mind giving Bella and I a minute, would you?"

"Of course not," Rosalie said. I glanced at Emmett to see that he didn't really want to go, of course, always being protective of me.

Rosalie dragged Emmett out of the hospital room, and a pregnant pause fell between Jacob and me.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry-" I said at the same time he said, "Bella, I'm so sorry-"

A nervous laugh escaped my lips, but I still couldn't look at him. Again, a silence fell over us. I toyed with the sheet covering my body.

"Will you please look at me?" he whispered desperately.

I shook my head. "I'm ashamed."

I had, for the most part, always been very up front with what I said to Jacob. What should change now?

"I'm not angry with you," he said quietly. I heard him get up, but I kept my head down, looking at the thin sheet.

"Bella, please," he whispered, turning my head towards his. I kept my eyes down. I knew that if I looked at him I would burst into tears, and I didn't want that. "Don't be ashamed…please, we can talk this out, it could be so much easier."

He said it so gently to me that I couldn't help but look up into his eyes. I felt tears pool in my eyes looking into his deep brown eyes.

"Hey," he said softly. "Don't cry."

"I feel like I let you down," I said. "Jacob, I'm so, so sorry…you must have been so worried…I can't even imagine…"

"Hey, it's okay," he said. "You're safe now. You'll be fine." And then, his tone changed from soothing and calming to business. "You don't have any left on you, do you?"

I stared at him, wide eyed.

"Bella, if you get caught with it…I may not even be able to help you out of it," he explained.

"I…I don't think there's any left," I said, trying to remember. How much had Johnny said there was? Two weeks' worth? Three weeks' worth? I wasn't sure. Had I taken a whole two weeks' worth of cocaine last night? No wonder I was in here.

He grasped my hands. "I can help you with this."

"You _were_ helping me," I said quietly. He gave me a question mark look, so I explained. "I know this'll sound stupid, but the more time I was spending with you, the better I'd feel…it was like you were my own personal rehab…but then when we got into that fight…and something just snapped inside of me. I didn't mean to take as much as I did in one shot…I meant to only do a little bit, then keep some, just in case…but then I couldn't stop."

He tightened his grasp on my hands. "Bella, I want to help you as much as I can…maybe, temporarily, you could move in with me? Just until we both know that you're one hundred percent better."

"Who knows how long that could take, though?" I asked.

"I'm willing to help as much as I can," he said softly. "Bella, I _want _to help you."

I felt my heart well up in my chest; I stared into his eyes, looking for any sense of falseness in what he had said. He actually wanted to _help_ me.

"Okay," I said. "Just until I can get back up on my feet…just until I'm over my…my addiction."

A smile lit his face, and leaned over to kiss me softly.

"How long do I have to stay in here?" I asked. I didn't like being in hospitals.

"I'm not exactly sure," he said. "The doctors didn't want to tell me much; they barely wanted to even let me in the ambulance with you."

Before I could say anything else, a doctor came in. he checked me over and told me I should be okay to leave tomorrow morning. Afterwards, Edward and Rosalie came back in and spent time with me. Once visiting hours were over, Emmett and Rosalie left, but Jacob stayed. I could tell he was reluctant to leave me here alone.

"It's okay," I said. "You can go. I'll be fine."

"I don't want you to be alone in here," he said softly.

"Jacob, you're exhausted," I said. "I can tell that you haven't slept at all, go home and get some rest."

He shook his head. "I'll be fine."

"And so will I," I said. "Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"I took the week off," he explained. "I don't go back until Monday. Maybe between now and then we can get you settled at my place?"

I nodded. That made sense.

For the rest of the evening, Jacob and I just talked to each other and enjoyed each other's company. I was glad he wasn't angry with me, but I could tell that beneath the surface he was angry. I didn't know what he was angry at, and he sure as hell wasn't about to tell me. I didn't want to pry too hard; I figured that may just result in another argument.

The next day he moved my belongings out of Emmett and Rosalie's apartment. They were perfectly fine with it…well, at least Rosalie was. I could tell Emmett was just as scared for me as Jacob was, but probably knew that Jacob could give me more solid help with getting over my addiction. Jacob had more than likely dealt with drug addictions before, he knew the ropes.

I sat on the couch in his apartment, feeling drained and exhausted. I wasn't even sure what time it was, but I could feel that my eyelids were getting heavy.

Jacob came and sat beside me, chuckling. "Tired?"

I nodded sleepily. "I'm drained."

"It's only nine o'clock," he said.

"I'll just pack it in early tonight," I said.

He smiled. "I'll keep you company."

I was about to protest, but then I remembered. Technically this was _our _apartment. In slew of the recent events, I had almost forgotten that we were a couple…that the night before my little binge was going to be our first night _together_.

So, instead of protesting what he said, I smiled, took his hand, and allowed him to lead me into the bedroom. I was far too exhausted to _do _anything with him, but falling asleep and waking up in his arms was perfectly fine for me. Being in Jacob's arms was the absolute most comforting thing in the world. I felt safer with him than I had ever felt with Edward.

Jacob made me feel good.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: As you may have seen, Fanfiction posted an update regarding MA content. I do not know if this will affect any of my stories, but if they are taken down, does anybody know a place I would be able to post these stories so that you all could continue reading them? Let me know ASAP. I will continue posting on this site, but just in case the stories do end up getting taken down, I would like to know an alternative. Thank you!**

Chapter 9

I woke up in Jacob's arms feeling at peace and happy. It had been a long time since I had woken up in someone's arms, and it felt nice. I felt comfortable and safe in his arms…I never wanted to get up. He stroked my hair, and I could tell that he didn't want to get up either.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "Jacob…I'm so sorry…I never meant for that to happen."

"It's okay, I understand," he said.

"I don't think I can quit," I said, feeling as though I should just give up.

"I'm sure you'll be able to. I can help you," he said.

I felt tears pool in my eyes. I could see how much he cared for me…it made me feel like the worst girlfriend in history for putting him through what I had just put him through.

"I _really_ don't think I can," I whispered. "I thought I was doing so well, and then I just snapped and started again…that can't be a good sign."

"It's okay," he soothed. "You'll be fine."

"I think I'm supposed to go into work today," I said.

"I already called them and told them you weren't feeling well," he said. "You go in on Wednesday."

Today was Monday. I didn't have to go into work for two days; that made me happy. I could spend two days alone with Jacob.

I still couldn't help but feel guilty, even with his reassurance that he wasn't angry with me. I still knew that he was mad about something, but I couldn't tell, and I highly doubted he would actually tell me.

We got out of bed together and made breakfast. It was a lot of fun with Jacob. Being with him was better than being high. By the time we were ready to eat, my tank top was covered in pancake batter. Jacob came over to me and swiped a bit of batter off my collarbone and licked his finger.

He laughed. "You're covered."

I glowered up at him. "I'm aware."

He kissed my cheek lightly and then got a couple plates out of the cupboard. I looked down at my tank top and flannel pyjama pants. There were barely any clean spots left of my clothing.

"Sit," Jacob said.

"I don't want to get the chairs dirty," I said.

He chuckled. "Your ass is clean, don't worry."

I smiled. "Does that mean you were checking me out?"

His back was still to me, but I could tell he was smiling. "Maybe."

I sat down on one of the chairs, and watched Jacob place two pancakes on a plate. He came over to the table and placed the plate in front of me.

"I figured that would be the most you'd want," he said.

"It's more than enough," I said, pouring syrup on them.

Jacob sat close beside me, and we ate together. I was so comfortable with him. I heard his phone ring from the next room and he glanced up. By the look on his face I could tell that he was reluctant to get up and answer it.

"Go answer it," I said. "It could be important."

He sighed, and then pushed himself away from the table. While he was gone I forked a few more pieces of pancake into my mouth. We had done a pretty good job at making them.

"I'm not supposed to come in until next week," I could hear Jacob talking on the phone. "Can't you get Jared to help instead?" Pause. "Come on, Paul, I'm not the only one who can help with this." Pause. "Fine. I'll be there soon."

Jacob came back into the kitchen looking annoyed. "I have to go in to work, there was a robbery and Paul wants me to help him with it."

I nodded. "That's fine."

"Will you be okay here?" he asked.

I smiled. "Are you going to do this every time you need to leave me alone? Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said, putting his police jacket on.

"Don't rush," I said. "Do what you have to do."

He came over to me and kissed me. "I don't want to have to go in. Paul's just being a baby."

I smiled. "See you soon, then."

He waved once more before turning around and leaving the apartment.

An odd sense of loneliness washed over me. Deep down I hadn't wanted Jacob to leave, but I knew that it was necessary.

I finished eating, and then wrapped up the uneaten pancakes Jacob had left. I put them in the fridge and wandered around the apartment. There really wasn't much to do here when you were alone. Jacob seemed to be a clean freak, so it wasn't as if I could clean the apartment to keep myself busy. I guess Jacob and I shared that little bit of OCD, I needed things to be perfectly clean as well.

I went into the bedroom and changed out of my batter-filled clothes. I found one of Jacob's button-up tops and decided on that to wear. I went into the living room and flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV. Some movie was on so I just decided to watch that. I realized that I hadn't spoken to Alice since the last time I had worked in the club. I didn't know if she was angry with me or not…I wasn't sure.

I picked up my phone off the couch cushion beside me and deliberated on whether I should call her or not. After all, she _was_ my best friend. I muted the TV and called her.

"Hey Bella," she said, anger lacing her tone. "Remember I existed, have you?"

"I'm sorry, Ali, I really am, I've been super busy," I said.

"But not too busy to abandon me," she stated.

"I didn't _abandon_ you," I said.

"You left the club," she said. "You abandoned all of us. Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward."

"Well in case you hadn't heard, Edward was cheating on me," I said. "Did you ever think that maybe that's why I left?"

"You could have at least tried to make it work with him," she said. "Do you have any idea how much business we've lost since you left?"

"So that's what this is about?" I demanded. "You don't give a shit about how I feel, all it is is business? That's it? That's all you care about? Would you stay with Jasper if you caught him fucking another girl in your own bed?"

"I wouldn't just up and leave him. I'd try to make it work with him," she said.

"You're such a fucking liar, Alice," I said. "You'd be out of that apartment in seconds if you caught him."

"How do you know?" she demanded.

"Because it happened to me!" I said angrily. "Before I saw that, I said the exact same thing you just did, and then it happened. You think that's how you're going to react, but trust me, it isn't."

"Maybe Jasper and I just have a stronger than you and Edward did," she said smugly.

"Oh, but I know that I'm currently in a stronger relationship right now than you've ever had in your life," I snapped before hanging up on her.

I was so annoyed. What the fuck was up with her? Was she really more concerned about the business of the strip club than how I really felt? Was money really more important than my feelings?

I turned my attention back to the TV but couldn't really concentrate. My mind was still on my conversation with Alice. It was _really _getting to me. Obviously Rosalie and Emmett hadn't told Alice about me staying with them for a bit, and I thanked them for it. I didn't want Alice to think I was "betraying" her for Rosalie and Emmett, and I didn't want Edward to know that I had stayed with them.

I blankly watched the television, still not paying attention to what was on the screen. Whatever. If Alice wanted to be a bitch about this, that was her problem, not mine. Maybe one day she'd understand how it felt to see that happening in your own fucking bed.

After a while, Jacob came home and sat with me on the couch. I could tell that he knew something was bothering me, but he didn't ask about it.

He held me tight against him. "You aren't really watching this, are you?"

I smiled. "Nope."

He chuckled. "Then why is it on?"

"Nothing else to do," I said.

"I can think of something to do," he said, breath tickling my neck. He kissed my neck, and my body reacted immediately. I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him deeply. I felt so ready for him, this would be our first time _together_, and we had to make it special. My fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, trying to get it open. I felt his hands go to my ass, and then I was lifted off the couch. My legs instinctively went around his waist, and he carried me into our bedroom. By this time I had completely gotten his shirt off, and his lips were back on mine. I wanted Jacob; I wanted every part of him. I _needed _him. He unbuttoned his shirt that I was wearing and threw it to the floor. Soon I was left in just a bra and panties…God, I was so hot for him right now, I could feel wetness pooling in my panties. He unhooked my bra, and tossed it to the floor.

"God, you're so beautiful," he whispered, before taking one of my nipples in his mouth. That just intensified what I was feeling for him even more

"Jacob, please, I need…" I trailed off, unsure of how to finish what I was thinking. I reached down and undid his jeans, while he slid my panties away from my hips.

And then, we were moving together in perfect rhythm. We moved perfectly with one another. Skin against skin; soul against soul. I had never felt this way before in my entire life. Jacob made me feel good, physically and mentally. I never wanted to be away from him. If I could stay in this bed with him for eternity, I would without taking a second guess. _This _was what love making was meant to be. Two beings, so passionately in love, sharing that with one another, it was absolutely amazing, and I never wanted to be away from him. I would never get tired of this, Jacob satisfied me better than anyone ever had in my entire life.

I had just learned what true love really felt like.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

The next day, Jacob and I just enjoyed each other's company. We watched movies together, and just hung out. It was nice to just be able to have a chill day with him. And we had _finally _had sex with each other. I learned that it was in fact better to wait; you could appreciate it _so_ much more that way.

He held me tight against him. And it felt more than a little protective.

I smiled up at him. "Someone's protective today."

He returned my smile. "With good reason to be."

I snuggled as close to him as I could get. I never wanted to leave his side.

Going back to work tomorrow would be absolute torture.

As it turns out, going back to work wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. It was a slow day. I sat outside with Tanya on my break, smoking a cigarette.

"I heard what happened, are you okay?" she asked.

I stared at her, wide-eyed. "Does the entire restaurant know?"

"No," she said. "Joey knows that you and I are close, so he only told me. I covered for you while you were off."

"Oh, thanks," I said. "If you ever need time off, don't hesitate to ask me. I owe you."

She smiled. "I'll remember that. But are you okay?"

I nodded. "I just…I can't believe I was so weak."

"I know the feeling. An addiction to that shit never really goes away," she said. "You'll still get cravings, but trust me; professional help will do you good."

"My boyfriend is a cop, does that count as professional help?" I asked.

She shook her head, smiling. "No. I know you don't want to get professional help, but trust me, it's easier. Without it, you'll probably just keep relapsing."

"How do you know?" I couldn't help but ask.

"First-hand experience," she said.

This surprised me. "You did coke?"

She nodded. "It was a long time ago. The addiction is like bulimia, it never really goes away. You'll always get small cravings to do it, but after a while it's easier to control that."

"Do you still get cravings?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I do, but through rehab it helps, it helps you think about all the reasons not to."

I bit my lip. I had had no idea that Tanya had gone through that. I also _really _didn't want to go to rehab. I felt like if I did, I would be giving in, and letting the addiction take control. I know it sounded silly, but I felt that if I did go to rehab it would be giving the addiction control. It would be my admitting that the drugs had taken such a strong hold on my life.

"It's a pride thing, I completely get it," she said. "It took me _so _long to give in and go to rehab, but once I did, it was so much better. You get to know that there are people out there who understand you, and who may be going through exactly the same thing."

"I wouldn't want to stay there," I said, feeling all too vulnerable. I should just shut up and leave it.

"You don't have to stay there," she said. "The one I went to was just something you'd go to, twice a week, or more times-whatever you decide. They do offer to let you stay there full time, but that's just an option."

"I guess I'll look into it," I said. "If you really think it'll work…"

"I do, Bella." She said. "I tried to get over it the same way you are, it doesn't work. You'll just keep going back to it."

By that time it was time for us to go back into work, so I couldn't talk to Tanya any more about it, but throughout my entire shift I couldn't help but think about it. Would rehab be good for me? I didn't want to admit to needing any help. But would it be beneficial for me to go into it?

I knew that I needed help, but I didn't want to accept it. I wanted to show that I was stronger than my addiction; I wanted to show that I actually could do it myself.

That night, Jacob picked me up from work, and I leaned back against the seat of the car and closed my eyes. Even though it hadn't been a busy day, I was still exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Jacob's worried voice floated over to me.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just tired. It's hard to get back into the swing of things."

I opened one way to peek at him; he was looking at me worriedly.

"Jacob, I'm fine," I said. "I'm just tired. I promise."

"But if anything…" he said.

"I'll tell you," I said. "I'm not going to keep it a secret from you, not anymore."

"Why did you keep it from me in the first place?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I guess I was ashamed…and I wanted to quit on my own. I didn't want help. I still don't."

"Let me help you," he pleaded.

"I'm open to that," I said. "I just…I don't think I want to go to rehab."

He cast a sidelong glance at me. "Are you sure?"

"Not yet," I said. "I want to see if I can do it myself first."

"So it'll take you to binge again to make you go to rehab?" he asked, I could hear anger lacing his tone.

I recoiled. That hurt.

"I…I didn't mean it like that," I said. "I meant that if a craving gets to be too bad, I'll go to rehab then."

He exhaled deeply. "I think that it would be better for you to go to rehab now."

I shook my head. "Jacob, let me try this my way…please."

"I don't want what just happened to you happen again," he said. I could hear the protectiveness clear in his voice. "It was so hard to see you like that, Bella."

"So you would rather I go to rehab?" I asked. "You'd rather force me into something that I'm obviously not comfortable with?"

"I don't want to force you," he said. "It's completely your choice, but I'm just telling you what I'd rather see for you."

I leaned back against the seat. I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually get over this addiction on my own. I had to.

We were both quiet. I could tell he was waiting for me to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Jacob wouldn't be happy with me regardless of what I said.

Tanya's words floated back to me. _It helps you think about all the reasons not to._

What _were _my reasons not to use? I could really only think of one. Jacob. It was kind of sad to think that Jacob was really the only reason I didn't want to use. It's not like I didn't have the money, my job gave me pretty good pay, and Jacob was paid _really _well at his job, so he refused to let me pitch in to pay the rent. The only thing that was stopping me from using was the prospect of losing Jacob.

We were both quiet as we went up to the apartment together. I could tell that he was thinking really deeply about…well probably about the same things I was thinking about. I'm sure Jacob thought that if I relapsed it'd be worse than last time, and I could possibly end up dead. Which was true. I had almost died last time, and I hadn't been in control. I, on the other hand, was thinking about if I binged again, I could lose Jacob. He would probably leave me, or force me into rehab. If I binged again, I knew that it would never be the same between us again.

I really didn't want to ruin what I had with him. I hadn't had this sort of relationship with anyone in my entire life. The way I felt about Jacob scared me. It went so much deeper than anything I had ever had with anyone else. I could tell that he actually cared about me-and I wasn't used to that. It made me wonder if Jacob actually _would _leave me if I binged again. I knew how much he cared for me, but would that be a factor if I _did _end up binging again? He would probably leave me to teach me not to binge again-no matter how much it would hurt him to do so.

The atmosphere in the apartment was tense to say the least. It was almost like we had gotten into a huge fight. I could tell Jacob was thinking hard about what could happen to me, and I was only really thinking about what could happen to us.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, I could hear the tension in his voice.

I shook my head. "I'm alright for now."

He went into the kitchen and I sat on the couch. I felt tense and just plain weird. Yeah we had argued a bit in the car, but I hadn't thought that it would result in us barely speaking. A thought struck me-what if Jacob was considering breaking up with me? Maybe he would see that I was too much trouble for him. Maybe he would realize that I didn't deserve him-that he didn't need to put up with all the baggage that came with me.

_**Jacob**_

Bella's reluctance to go to rehab was really getting to me. I had seen people die from overdoses. I had witnessed it with my own eyes. I had seen families and relationships literally ripped apart because of addictions. I didn't understand why Bella wouldn't just take the help she so desperately needed. I could see that she didn't want to admit to needing any help at all, but it isn't like she had to completely throw her pride away for seeking help.

I knew that she trusted me, but I couldn't be the one to completely help her. I wasn't a professional in this type of thing. I wasn't trained to help people overcome addictions. That wasn't my job. I knew that she wanted me to be able to help her, but how could I when that wasn't what I was qualified to do? How could I aid her in an area that I didn't have much experience in? The most I had done was take a person to the hospital or talk them through what had happened to them. I wasn't an addiction counsellor.

We were both quiet in the apartment, I didn't know what to say to her. I wanted to say something-I wanted to say anything that would make this right, but the image of her in that hospital bed was stuck in the back of my mind. I couldn't get that image out of my head, and it terrified me. I didn't want to see her like that again. Or worse-I didn't want to see her in a coffin.

I had seen people, even younger than us, overdose and die. If that happened to Bella…

Last time she binged, she had taken too much. I was lucky that she was alive right now, I was lucky that woman had called me and discovered her. If I had just been a few mere hours later than I had been…

I worried about her. I worried about her a lot. I didn't want anything to happen to her, but I knew that something very easily could happen to her. Would it be better for her if I was away from her? Would that be easier for her to get over it? I wasn't completely sure. She had told me that I helped her feel better, but was that true? I wasn't too sure.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

I sat in the room with the small group of people. Jacob was sitting beside me. I didn't want to be here. Well, I did want to be here, but I also _really_ didn't want to be here. I felt like an outsider. All I could do was listen to all of their stories, as if I hadn't gone through it myself.

But I had gone through it.

I gripped Jacob's hand as I listened to a story about how a man had gotten high while taking care of his two year old son. His son had gotten hurt, and then his parents took him away from him. Ironically, his child's mother had died of an overdose one year prior.

Sitting here, listening to what had happened to all these people, I felt like what I had gone through wasn't even close to as bad as what these people had gone through in their lives.

"For two months, I've been completely sober…haven't touched _anything_. I just want my son back," the man said. I could hear that he was fighting hard not to cry. I didn't blame him. "I've gone to see him a few times…he doesn't recognize me as his father anymore. I spend as much time with him as I can…to show my parents that I actually _am _better now…that my addiction doesn't have me in its grips anymore. I can tell that they're still weary of me though."

"Thank you so much for sharing, Jim," the woman, Tara, at the front said as Jim sat back down. She was the professional. She was leading our little group-and she also used to do cocaine. I had learned that about her before the session started. "How about we hear from our new arrival, Bella."

All eyes in the small circle turned to me, and my eyes widened. Tara was smiling encouragingly at me, and the group's eyes were welcoming me. I felt Jacob squeeze my hand in encouragement, so I stood up.

"Hi everyone, I'm Bella," I said. I paused as the little group greeted me with quiet 'hellos'. "And I'm addicted to cocaine." I paused, unsure of what to say next, the group was watching me intently…so I decided to start at the beginning. "Before I moved here, I lived in this tiny town in Washington, that's kind-of where it started...but back then I wasn't hooked…not yet. When I moved here, I got a _terrible_ job, but then I met a guy who offered me a job as a stripper." That last part was super embarrassing to say, but I barreled right along. "He ended up being my boyfriend, and we'd get high together…a lot." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jacob stiffen slightly upon the mention of Edward. "That was when I got hooked. I didn't want to admit that I actually was hooked on it, but within a few months I knew that I was…that was just after I met Jacob." I motioned to him. "After I left my boyfriend…Jacob and I went into a relationship and he helped me a lot. I hadn't used in two weeks." I saw a look of surprise pass through the group, especially on Tara's face. "But then, we got into a fight…and I binged again." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacob shift slightly in his seat. Talking about our argument hadn't exactly been what I was planning to do, but I couldn't help from mentioning it. "I took too much, and overdosed. Luckily, Jacob found me in time and got me to the hospital, before it was too late." I took a deep breath. "And now, I'm here."

"That is quite a story, Bella, thank you for sharing it with us," Tara said. "It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there as you have just done, and we welcome you here."

I nodded, and sat down, slipping my hand back in Jacob's.

As someone else began to speak, Jacob whispered, "I'm proud of you."

I bit my lip and looked down.

"I'm proud of me too," I whispered, looking up at him. He grinned at me and put his arm around my shoulders. It felt really good to be able to talk to people who understood what I was going through. I mean, it was good talking to Jacob about this, but he didn't really understand what it was like to fight an addiction. He hadn't lived through it. Well, technically he had lived through it, through me.

But in all reality, that wasn't the same. Not even close. Actually battling addiction was in a completely different world than being with someone who was going through it. Sure, you'd get a lot of the emotional pain, but none of the physical need to get whatever substances you used.

It was hard to explain to Jacob how difficult it was, but I'm sure sitting with me and hearing all these people's stories was really opening his eyes to what addiction was really like. If you had never gotten hooked on drugs or alcohol or sex, you could just tell a person to stop. It can't be _that_ hard to stop, right? No, that wasn't even close to how it was. And people hooked on these things aren't stupid, not at all. They-we-just fall out of something out of our control. In a way, it is completely our fault, but in another way, it's the fault of the drug. You can place all the blame on the drug if you want, but deep down you'll always know that _you_ did this to yourself. Or even if it isn't your fault, even if you were born with an addiction, you'll still hold yourself to blame. Even though you knew it wasn't your fault.

On the drive home, Jacob was quiet. I could tell that he was thinking deeply about what he had seen today. Hell, so was I.

I glanced at him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Fine."

"No you aren't."

"Some of their stories just gave me a lot to think about," he said.

"And you regret coming." It wasn't a question.

"No, not at all," he said. "It just lets you see things in a completely different perspective."

I didn't want to ask this, but I had to. "What was your perspective before?"

"I just…I guess I thought it was easier to get over it," he said. I had to bite my tongue against saying anything. "After hearing how some of them started…not on purpose either…it changes your point of view on things. Most of the time it isn't even your fault that you're addicted."

I was quiet. Had he not realized this before? I didn't say anything for the remainder of the drive home. Jacob didn't ask me anything. It easily could've just been that I was lost in thought about what I had heard and seen today…just as I'm sure he was. In reality though, I was thinking about what Jacob must have thought of me before coming with me today. It seemed to just dawn on him now that it isn't always the person's fault that they're addicted. So, had he just thought I was doing this for fun before? Had he just thought that this was a cry for attention, and nothing more?

I wasn't too sure…and I didn't want to ask him.

"Do you want to grab a bite to eat?" he asked.

I was about to say no, but then realized how hungry I actually was.

"Sure," I said. We stopped at a Chinese food place, one of the best in the city-I had come here all the time before I had even met Edward. They were open super late, so I could stop by on my way home from work-both at the store and the club. I could remember coming here wired out of my mind with Edward on numerous occasions. The owner of the restaurant recognized me the minute I walked in.

"Bella!" he said happily when Jacob and I walked in together. "How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm fine; you haven't been here in so long!"

I smiled. "Yeah I've been pretty busy."

"Come, sit! Dinner for both of you is on me!" he said, leading us to a table. "Where is…oh what was his name? Where is Edward?"

Immediately I felt Jacob stiffen beside me.

I hesitated. "Edward is…no longer in the picture. This is Jacob."

"Oh I see!" he said, understanding filling his face. He sat us at the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

Jacob looked at me, cocking a brow. "VIP treatment?"

I hesitated. Was that venom in his tone? "I used to come here all the time…before I even met Edward. Some nights I would…" I trailed off…realizing the next thing that what I had meant to say wouldn't be something Jacob would want to hear.

"You would…?" he asked, penetrating me with his eyes.

I hesitated again, and just in time our waiter came to our table.

"What can I get for you two tonight?" he asked.

"I'll have the orange chicken," I said, handing him my menu. I hadn't had to even look at it.

"And for you, sir?" he asked, turning to Jacob. I studied Jacob's face as he ordered the shrimp chow mein. Something was wrong. I couldn't tell what it was.

The waiter left and Jacob turned his gaze back on me. Something in his eyes wasn't right. I could tell by the way he was looking at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. "You don't look…right."

"I'm fine," he said. "Work has just been stressful."

I could tell he was lying.

"Jacob, you're scaring me," I said. "I know you're lying."

He took a deep breath. "Paul thinks he found out who shot my mom."

He was waiting for my reaction. To be honest, I didn't know what to say.

"Oh…what does that…what does that mean?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "He doesn't live in New York. He lives in Michigan."

"And you want to go find him?" I guessed.

"I do-but I also really don't," he said.

"What's stopping you?" I asked.

"You."

Just then, our food arrived at the table and we stopped speaking. As we ate, I thought of how to bring up what was on my mind.

"You don't have to stay here because of me," I said quietly.

His eyes penetrated me again. "I don't want to leave you alone."

"Because you think I'm going to binge again?" I demanded, dropping my fork.

"No!" he said. "No, it isn't that. It's your fucking ex-boyfriend. I should arrest him because I know what he does behind closed doors."

My stomach lurched. Would that mean that Alice would get in trouble as well? If Edward was angry enough, would he sell out Alice as well? Alice was his sister, but would that make if difference to him? I wasn't entirely sure.

Jacob noticed how quiet I was. "What? Are you still hung up on him or something?"

How could I tell him what I was really thinking?

"Bella, you know that as a cop I'm supposed to…"

"I know," I said.

"Do you…do you still have feelings for him?"

"No!" I said quickly. "No, I would never go back to him."

"Then what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said, quickly putting some chicken in my mouth.

He gave me a long look, I knew he didn't believe me, but thankfully he didn't press me any further on the topic. Well, at least not yet. If Jacob arrested Edward, would Edward sell out Alice as well? I knew that she hadn't exactly been nice to me, but she was still my friend.

"Do you know how badly I want to hurt him, Bella?" he asked softly.

I raised my gaze to look at him. "What?"

"For what he did to you…I could kill him, Bella." He said. "When I found you that night…I knew he had had something to do with it. I don't know how I knew, but I just did…and I was ready to track him down myself. I still would in a heartbeat."

"What's stopping you?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"I know it'd hurt you if I did."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

We were both absolutely silent on the drive home. The fact that Jacob quite literally wanted to kill Edward made me feel…well I'm not really sure how it made me feel. And also the fact that he didn't want to go track down who had shot his mom because of _me_…it didn't feel right.

I wanted to say something to him about it, but after that almost-fight I had had with him earlier about Edward…I felt it was better to hold my tongue. He pulled into the parking garage of the apartment, and into his parking spot. I exited the car, slinging my purse over my shoulder. Neither of us said a word as we entered the elevator and went up to the apartment. It was as if neither of us knew what to say. We hadn't exactly gotten into a fight, but we still weren't exactly…happy?

It was worse actually _in_ the apartment. It was like we were trying to avoid each other. He took a shower while I changed out of my work clothes and into pyjamas. He came into the bedroom with sweat pants on just as I was climbing into bed. I rolled onto my side so I wasn't facing him as he got into bed beside me.

"You should go to Michigan," I said quietly, still not looking at him.

"No."

I rolled back over so I was facing him. "Why?"

"I told you why," he said, anger lacing his tone. "I'm not going to go."

"Jacob, come on, I can take care of myself," I said.

"Yeah, but if _he _tried anything while I'd be gone, you'd be defenseless. I'm not going to risk that, Bella," he said. "Don't you have any idea how much you mean to me? If anything were to happen to you…I don't even want to think about it."

I felt anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach. "I know how to take care of myself."

"Do you?" he demanded angrily.

I recoiled against his harsh tone. "Yes, I do, I lived on my own when I first fucking moved here Jacob."

"Yeah but after that asshole ex-boyfriend of yours got through with you, you obviously can't."

Hurt stabbed at me. I grabbed my pillow and flung the blankets off me.

He sighed. "Bella, where are you going?"

"To sleep on the couch."

I made it to the bedroom door, before I felt him pull me back. I hadn't even heard him get out of bed. He wrapped me in his arms and tucked me under his chin.

"It isn't that I think you can't take care of yourself, I don't know why I said that earlier, I really don't, but right now, _you_ are my priority, Bella," he whispered. "If anything happened to you because I left you for a few days…I don't know what I would do with myself. After seeing you lying like that on the sidewalk…so frail…it terrified me. It made me think what life without you would be like, and it was awful. For those few seconds before I could feel your pulse, or while I was waiting for the docs to tell me if you were gonna be okay…I thought I had lost you…I don't ever want to feel like that again, Bella."

I felt tears pool in my eyes at his words.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry," I sputtered.

He tilted my head up so I was looking into his eyes. "You don't need to apologize."

"You thought I was going to die," I sobbed. "How could I have put you through that?"

He led me back into bed and sat me in his lap, with me tucked securely under his chin again with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"You made a mistake," he whispered. "Everybody does. But it's also why I can't bring myself to go to Michigan to find whoever shot my mom. If I left you, regardless of the amount of time it took me, and something happened…I would blame myself forever."

I was full on sobbing and shaking now. Jacob was _so_ worried about my safety that he wouldn't do the one thing he had told me he had set out to do since he was a little kid.

"The present is more important than my past, Bella," he said.

"Jacob…you've been w-waiting so long to find this person…and now you basically know where they are…w-why are you going to just let it go like this?" I asked through my tears.

"Michigan isn't a tiny state, love," he said. "What am I going to do, search the entire state trying to find this person? We both know how ridiculous it sounds."

I looked away from him. I felt like I was holding him back, and I hated it. I felt like I was controlling him, and I didn't like that one bit.

"Come on, let's go to sleep, we've both got work tomorrow," he said.

He lay me down beside him, and I curled into his side with my head resting on his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat lulled me right to sleep.

The next morning I very vaguely recalled him getting out of bed and getting ready to go to work, but I had just rolled back over and fallen back to sleep. I didn't need to be into work until noon, there was no way in hell I was going to get out of bed earlier than I needed to.

When I finally _did_ roll out of bed, the apartment was empty. Yeah, I was sad, but I had expected it. I slightly regretted not getting out of bed when he left, but I _really _couldn't bring myself to fully regret it. That bed was way too comfy.

I got ready for work and left the apartment. I made my way to work slowly. It was a nice day; I wanted to enjoy it before I would have to be stuck inside all day. My shift went by so slowly, and I was excited for my break. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check any messages.

I had a voicemail from Edward. My stomach dropped. I really didn't want to listen to it, but curiosity got the best of me and I listened to it.

_Hey Bella, it's Edward…I wanted to talk things over with you…could we have lunch? Please? I really want to talk to you…call me back, okay? Bye._

I sat, cradling my phone in my hands for what seemed like hours. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to have lunch with Edward, but I also really didn't want to either. I wanted to move past him, and having lunch with him would definitely not help with that. And Jacob would definitely not be on board for it. Jacob literally wanted to kill Edward; there was no way he'd be okay with me going to lunch with him.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead in frustration. What was I going to do? I just wouldn't call him back. That was it. I wouldn't call him back-I would pretend I had never even heard the message in the first place.

I erased the voicemail and slipped my phone back into my pocket.

_You have to put the past behind you. That past includes Edward. You have to leave it behind._ I thought forcefully to myself. I went back into the restaurant and finished my shift.

As I left the restaurant at the end of my shift, my eye caught a silver car. _Edward's_ silver car. I tightened my jacket around me. Hoping he wouldn't see me if he was still in his car. I made it to the sidewalk past the parking lot of the restaurant before he noticed me.

"Bella!" he called. I turned to see him loping towards me.

Shit.

"Did you get my message?" he asked once he had reached me.

"No, what message?" I asked.

I called you and got your voicemail, did you change your number or something?" he asked.

"Nope," I said. "How did you find out I work here?"

"Don't ask," he said, smiling dangerously. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me."

"No," I said.

"I heard you were in contact with Johnny," he said that with an arrogant grin.

"So?" I asked. "I'm off that shit now, no thanks to you." I said the last part with a sneer.

"Come on, baby," he said. "Don't you miss _us_? Remember how good the sex was?"

"You're not as good as you seem to think you are," I snapped.

He chuckled. "Ouch. So who's your new boyfriend, who's apparently so much better in bed than I am?" he rolled his eyes as he said that last part.

"None of your business," I growled. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from me-he'll have your ass thrown in jail like that" I snapped my fingers. "at my word."

I immediately regretted what I said, because I saw Edward's face clear.

"Oh so one of the cops from the club that night-the last night you worked there," he said. "Which one?"

"None. Of. Your. Business."

"So touchy today," he said, clicking his tongue. "I haven't been with anyone else since you left me, even that day-that girl-I kicked her out."

"I don't fucking believe that, Edward," I said.

"Okay-one other girl after you had left, but other than that, no one. I can't get over you Bella, that other girl-not the one you caught me with-did nothing for me. I want you back," he said, I could hear a touch of desperation in his tone.

"No," I said. "I'm not going to go back to you, just to have you treat me like shit again and make me work in your fucking club."

"You won't have to work there again, and I'll treat you better. I promise. Please Bella, I miss you so much," he said, caressing my face.

I wrenched myself away from him. "No, Edward. I'm going home. Goodbye."

"Let me drive you," he said.

"No."

I turned swiftly and walked as quickly as I could back to the apartment I shared with Jacob. Numerous times I looked behind me to see if he was following me-either on foot or by his car-but I never saw him. I made it to the apartment and made my way inside. Once actually inside the apartment, I calmed down. Jacob wasn't home from work yet, and this worried me. Usually he was home by now. I made myself a sandwich for dinner, and sat down on the couch with it, replaying the conversation with Edward over and over in my head.

A little while later, Jacob came in, looking angry. Uh oh. Had he somehow witnessed the conversation between Edward and me?

"Bad day?" I asked. His head shot up as if he hadn't realized I was sitting there.

At the sight of me, I could practically see the tension slide out of him. He smiled warmly at me.

"Yeah, it was pretty rough, but it's much better now, did you eat?" he asked.

I motioned to my plate. "Yep."

He went into the kitchen to find something to it, and I chewed on my lip, deliberating on whether or not to tell him about my encounter with Edward. He came into the living room with a bowl of cereal and looked at me oddly.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said, casting a quick smile his way. "Work just exhausted me."

He gave me another weird look, but seemed to just shrug it off. I chewed on my lip some more, still deliberating.

"You have something on your mind," he said.

I shook my head. "It's nothing."

He took a deep breath. "I think…I think I'm gonna go to Michigan."

I turned to look at him, eyes wide. "Really? What happened to not being able to leave me alone?"

"I've been thinking about it all day…you're right. You can take care of yourself. I hope…I hope you don't think I'm being selfish in this. I just…it's been eating away at me all day."

"Would you be going alone?" I asked, worry seeping into me.

"Nah, I'd probably take Paul or Jared with me," he said. "Would you be angry with me if I asked one of them to stop by once in a while to check on you?"

"I wouldn't be angry at all," I said. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?" My mind was whirling. There was no way I could tell him about Edward calling and visiting me now, he'd never leave my side again if he knew. I felt like I should tell Jacob about it, but I also really couldn't. I don't know what was stopping me from telling him. Probably the fact that this would make or break his decision to go.

Idly, I hoped it was Paul who stayed behind. I didn't know Jared nearly as well as I knew Paul, and to be honest, I felt more comfortable with Paul.

Now, it wasn't that I wanted him away from me-that wasn't it at all. Of course I wanted him to stay here with me; it could be dangerous for him to go. Who knows what shape he could home in? Or if he came home at all. The reason I was pushing him so hard to go was because he had literally been waiting for this for his entire life, and now he didn't want to go simply because of me? That didn't make sense to me.

And it made me feel guilty.

"Why don't I come with you?" I asked. His head snapped around to look at me, eyes wide.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it could be dangerous for you," he said.

"It could also be dangerous for you, though," I noted.

"You have work."

"So do you."

"I can take time off-and this has to actually do with a criminal, who I'll more than likely be putting into jail if I find him," he said. "You, on the other hand, can't get more time off, and this isn't work related for you."

I was trapped, because he was right.

"Fine," I grumbled.

I got up off the couch to put my plate away, but he pulled me back so I was sitting on top of him, straddling his waist.

"The reason I don't want you to go with me is because I want you to be safe," he said. "I'm not worried about me, I've got the gun and the bullet proof vest-you don't, and you aren't allowed to carry a gun. If I could give you my gun, then I'd let you come in a heartbeat, but you can't. It wouldn't be safe for you."

He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and met my eyes evenly. I understood why Jacob didn't want me to go with him; he wanted me to stay safe. I could understand that, but that didn't mean I liked it very much.

Deep down, I knew why I didn't want to be without him. I was scared. Scared of two things. One: that I would relapse again, and two: that Edward would come and find me and harass me to have lunch with him more. But I kept my mouth shut. Jacob _needed_ to do this.

He tucked me under his chin and stroked my hair.

A few days later Jacob left for Michigan. He went with Jared, Paul stayed behind. I stood in our kitchen just before he was set to leave with Jared.

"I'm gonna miss you," I said quietly.

He came into the kitchen, and gave me a long look. "I don't have to go."

"Yes, you do," I said. "I'm just gonna miss you." He moved close to me, and pressed me against the kitchen counter.

"I'm gonna miss you too," he breathed against my neck. I felt his fingers gripping my hips.

"You have to leave soon," I whispered. "Jared will be here any minute."

He shrugged. "He can wait."

"Won't you miss your plane?" I asked.

"Trying to get me away from you, eh?" he asked.

"You have no idea how wrong you are with that," I mumbled. "I just don't want Jared to have my ass for making you late."

"Mmm, trust me Bella, no one is going to have your ass except me," he said-and for added emphasis he reached down and squeezed. I ran my hands through his hair, feeling my arousal-as well as his. He pressed harder against me, and I felt a familiar tug _down there_. Oh God, what this man did to me.

"Let's have a nice goodbye," I whispered in his ear, clutching him close to me.

I felt his chuckle against my throat. "If you insist."

He opened the top two buttons of my shirt, as I fumbled with the buttons on his. I wanted him so badly; it was like he had control over everything in me-body and soul.

A banging on the door mad both of us jump.

"Jake, get your fucking ass out here. We gotta go, we're gonna miss our plane," Jared's muffled voice came through the door.

Jacob took a deep breath. "I guess I'll have to take a rain check."

I smiled in spite of myself. "It'll be worth the wait."

"Jake, so help me god I'll knock this fucking door down if you don't get out here," Jared growled from the hallway.

Jacob went over to the door and opened it. I poked my head out of the kitchen to see Jared standing there, looking annoyed.

"Hi Jared," I said, smiling as brightly as I could at him.

"Oh…hey Bella," he said, returning my smile. I could tell he hadn't realized I was here. I noticed his face flush slightly-probably him realizing what he had interrupted.

Jacob hefted his bag over his shoulder and met my eyes. I didn't want him to go. A sudden urge to beg him to stay washed over me. I went over to him, and leaned against him.

"I'll wait downstairs," Jared said, walking down the hall to the elevator.

Jacob cupped my face in his hands. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I smiled and nodded at him. "Paul will be checking on me, and Emmett knows that you're out of town. I'll be fine."

He took a deep breath. "I'll come home as soon as I can-if something happens and you get uncomfortable here alone...Paul is willing to let you go stay with him."

"And so is Emmett," I said, smiling wider at him. "Go-before you miss your flight."

He leaned down and kissed me-hard. "I'll be back before you know it."

"I hope so," I whispered. Why was I suddenly feeling choked up? This wasn't like me at all. What the fuck?

"Be safe, okay?" he said. I nodded. "I'll call you when I land."

I kissed him once more before he left the apartment. Loneliness washed over me. I gazed around me at the empty apartment. I didn't have to work today or tomorrow. When I did have to go in to work, Jacob had asked Paul to drive me. I sighed, unsure of what to do with myself.

I already wanted Jacob to come home.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

He had been gone for three days. Three whole days, and I hadn't heard from him. Today I had work, so hopefully it would take my mind off of him for a while. Yes, I was worried about him. I was afraid that something was going to happen to him, or that something had already happened to him. I was worried for his safety-I guess now I knew how he felt about me, and why he had been so hesitant to leave me alone. He worried about me the way I worried about him.

Well, probably not as much as he worried about me, but I could empathize for him. I now knew what it was like to worry so much for another person. I had never felt this way before about anyone-I had never actually worried for someone the way I was worrying about Jacob right now. I got into my work uniform and waited for Paul's text alerting me he was here to pick me up.

"Have you heard from him?" I asked once I was in the car with Paul.

He shook his head. "I haven't heard from either of them. Have you tried calling them?"

I shook my head. "He told me he'd call when he landed. He didn't."

"I'm sure they're fine," Paul said. "Knowing Jake he forgot, or he was too tired when they landed and went straight to bed; and knowing Jared the next morning they got straight to work. Jared didn't want to be there too long-well neither did Jake, obviously."

I chewed on my lip. I guess he was right. But still…

"I know, it's scary," he said. "I'm nervous about them too." By this point we had pulled into work. "I'll pick you up tonight-Jake would have my balls if I didn't, what time do you get off?"

"Eight, I think," I said.

He nodded. "Alright, I'll see you then."

"Let me know if…" I trailed off, and took a deep breath. "Let me know if you hear from them. You have my number."

"I will, as soon as I hear something I'll call you."

"Thank you Paul," I said. "I'll see you later."

He waved to me as I exited his car and went into the restaurant. My shift dragged, and I felt the creeping want to use crawl up the back of my neck as my shift progressed.

_No,_ I thought forcefully to myself. _No, you can't slip back into it. He's counting on you-you will lose him if you use. He'll want nothing to do with you if he were to find out that you used again. He'll think that you're weak. Is that what you want?_

The thought of losing Jacob terrified me. It was him who was keeping me sane-but now he wasn't here, and I had no idea where he was. Well, I knew _where _he was, but I wanted him back. I didn't know if he was safe, or what shape he'd come home in.

When I was on my lunch break, I was walking next door to get some food, when I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see Edward making his way towards me. The muscles in my stomach tightened uneasily. I didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Hey Bells," he said, smiling at me.

I ground my teeth at the use of the nickname my dad called me.

"Hello Edward," I said coolly. "What do you want?"

"I was hoping you'd take me up on that offer for lunch," he said.

"The other day I told you that the answer is no. Why would I change my mind?"

He shrugged. "You've had a couple days to reconsider...and I have something for you."

"And my answer is still no," I said, ignoring the curiosity assaulting my brain. "So if you'll kindly move, I'll be on my way."

He stepped in front of me, blocking my way. "We need to talk. I miss you. I really do, I want you back baby. Can't we just try again? I promise I'll be better. We can take baby steps. Let me buy you lunch."

"Edward I am not in the fucking mood today. I don't want you back, I'm happy with who I'm with. Please stop asking me to take you back. It isn't going to happen."

I pushed past him, but what he said next made my blood boil.

"How are you coping?" he asked.

I turned and looked back at him. "What?"

He chuckled. "You know what I mean. I know you aren't using-don't you miss it? Don't you miss snorting lines? Feeling the coke course through your body, the high it used to give you? The sex while you were high? Come on, you can't tell me you don't miss any of that."

The way he was saying it-he made it sound so sensual, it made me _want_ to use, it almost made my mouth water. He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and produced a small black velvet-looking bag. I knew exactly what was in it, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from it.

"You aren't immune to me, Bella, and you certainly aren't immune to it. You may think you're doing okay, but one day, it'll just snap. You can't quit that shit cold turkey."

"Rose did," I said immediately, not wanting to tell him that I had been to a meeting to get over my addiction-and not wanting to show him how much I wanted to use.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's what you think."

"What?" I asked, curiosity gripping me. Rosalie was using again?

"Why don't you ask her?" he asked smugly.

"Edward, stop fucking around," I snapped. "Is Rose using again?"

"Have lunch with me and maybe I'll tell you," he said.

I rolled my eyes. He was trying to play me. "No. Goodbye Edward."

I pushed past him, succeeding this time, and went into the coffee shop next door, but of course he followed me.

"I'll buy whatever you want for you," he said, pulling his wallet out of his pocket. "Just let me sit with you."

Five minutes later we were sitting together at a table. He watched me as I sipped my coffee.

"I want you back," he said simply, as if we were discussing the weather.

"I don't want you back," I said, mirroring his tone.

"Come on baby," he said. "I saw how your face changed when I showed you the coke earlier."

"Our relationship isn't just sex and cocaine," I hissed. "You aren't going to bribe me with drugs, Edward. I'm happy with who I'm with right now."

He took a deep breath and looked away. "I miss you Bells."

I studied his face. Stubble lined his chin and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"Why aren't you taking care of yourself?" I asked.

He looked at me again. "I miss you."

"You need to move on," I said forcefully. "You fucked it up for yourself."

"I made a mistake," he said, voice rising.

"Yeah, and you kept me on such a fucking tight leash…you tried to control me. You got me hooked on coke, and then, to top it all off, you fucking _cheated _on me. You made mistakes throughout our _entire _relationship, Edward. You cheating on me was just the last straw. Thank you for the coffee, but I'm going back to work." I got out of my chair and walked briskly out of the coffee shop, leaving the hot mug of coffee on the table. I heard Edward's quiet sigh of exasperation and could picture him running a hand through his hair angrily. I couldn't find it in myself to care.

I heard his chair scrape away from the table and he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. He shoved the little bag in my hand.

"Take it," he growled. "It's easier to quit by cutting back than just trying to shut it out of your system at once." I put it in my purse and nodded once at him.

He was trying to pull me back in, and I didn't want that. I loved Jacob-we may not have said it in words just yet, but I truly did love him. And, I was happy with Jacob. I didn't want to go back to the life Edward had introduced me to.

Would cutting back gradually make it easier?

I left the coffee shop and fished my phone out of my purse and saw a text from Paul.

**Jake called, they're fine. They should be heading home within the next two days. See you after work.**

_Within the next two days_. What did that mean? Did that mean they had found the criminal? Or were they still looking? I wanted him back so badly. The sooner he was back, the better it would be. When he came back it would be easier for me to not be…tempted. I had been feeling the familiar want to use creeping up the back of my neck since he had left.

The weight of the seductive powder in my purse was weighing me down. I didn't work tomorrow and then hopefully the day after I would get to see Jacob.

_Jacob._ His name made my heart flutter. And it made me feel guilty for what was in my bag. Why was I feeling guilty? I hadn't used it.

_Not yet_, a voice in my head whispered menacingly. I took the rest of the day off, feigning an illness, and I walked home. My mind was in other places. Though I didn't want to admit it, my mind was thinking about getting high. It was as though my brain was disconnected from my body. Back at the apartment, I paced.

I felt torn. What the fuck could I do? I wanted to just throw out the coke, but then something in my mind to not to; that it'd be a waste. And then Edward's words about how cutting back would make it easier than just quitting at once.

For the rest of the day, I contemplated what I would do. It was eight o'clock and I had been pacing all day, trying to make up my damn mind.

It was almost calling to me from my purse.

I wanted to use, but I also really didn't want to use. I sat on the couch in the living room, staring at my purse.

_Two lines_ it seemed to whisper from my purse. _Just two lines and you'll feel so good again-don't you miss me?_

I hated to admit it, but I did miss it. I wanted to use so badly, it was killing me. I grabbed the little black baggie out of my purse, and held it in my hands, still deliberating. My phone rang, but I ignored it. whoever it was could wait.

_You will lose Jacob_ I thought forcefully to myself. _If you use, you will lose him. You won't be able to explain it to him this time. _

I gripped the bag, squeezing it tightly, wishing it would just disappear if I squeezed hard enough.

It didn't, and it was calling me more than ever. I stood up from the couch and walked briskly into the bathroom where I had a small, handheld mirror, and I also grabbed a razor. I went into the kitchen and found a straw. I went back to the living room and sat on the couch again. I placed the mirror on the table, and pulled the clear baggie of cocaine out of the black bag. I hated myself as I poured some of the powder out onto the mirror, and made two clean lines. I stared down at the two lines for what seemed like hours, before I took the straw in my hand, placed it where it should go at my nose, plugged my other nostril, bent forward, and snorted up one of the lines.

I felt tears stream down my face, and it wasn't because of the sharp sting of the cocaine in my nose. I bent forward again, and snorted the other line in the other nostril. I was practically sobbing now, but I also felt amazing. How could two such strong feelings be coursing through me at once? How could I feel like the worst person in the world, while at the same time I felt better than I had in weeks?

"Bella! What the fuck?" a voice called from the door.

I turned to see Paul rushing over to me. How the hell had he even gotten into the building? How much had he seen?

He came and sat beside me on the couch, staring intensely into my eyes.

"Don't tell Jacob," I whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"How can I not tell him?!" Paul demanded. "He'll be so angry…Bella, why did you do this? You were doing so well."

"I…I…" I trailed off, unable to string together a sentence.

"How much did you take?" his eyes were searching mine.

"Two lines," I mumbled. "Just two." Panic washed over me. Was someone else here? Had someone other than Paul come to the apartment with him? My eyes widened and I turned to stare at Paul.

"No one came with me," he said calmly. "I'm alone."

"Did you lock the door?" I whispered.

He nodded. "I locked it as soon as I saw what was happening, you're safe now, Bella. It's okay."

Why was he being so nice to me? Suspicion seeped into me again. Why was this guy being so nice to me? I barely knew him.

"I'm going to call Jake," he said calmly.

"No!" I snapped, and then relaxed my tone. "Please, don't call him, please…he…he can't know. Please Paul, don't call him, you can't." I was gripping his hands, begging him not to call Jacob. Jacob could_ not_ know. He couldn't. He would leave me for sure…the mere prospect of that terrified me. Fear and anxiety gripped me tighter than I was holding onto Paul's hands.

He took a deep breath. "Okay…I…I won't call him. You should get some sleep."

I really didn't want to sleep, but I nodded anyway and stood up.

"He'll probably be back here by the time you wake up; they caught the guy and they're heading back, what do you want me to do with it?" he asked, motioning to the little baggie.

"Give it to me," I said quietly. He hesitated, but then did what I had told him. I cleaned up the mirror, blade and straw, stashing them in my purse.

"I'm going to go," he said. "But, this is just a bit of advice; I think you should tell him. It probably won't be as bad as you think."

"Thank you, Paul," I said quietly. "Thank you for coming here and taking care of me."

"Don't mention it," he mumbled as he left the apartment.

When he was gone, the reality of what he said hit me. Jacob was coming home. He was on his way home right now. That made me feel even worse. I hung my head in shame, and went into the bedroom, literally having to force myself to fall asleep. _The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner he'll be here. He's coming home to you, and you want to see him. It'll be better when he's back here._

I awoke to the feeling of someone's mouth against my neck. He was kissing and sucking on it. He was here, Jacob was finally back.

"Mmmm…you're home," I mumbled sleepily.

"I've missed you baby," he said against my neck.

"How was Michigan?"

"We'll talk about that later," he said. His hand snaked down to my pants, but he stopped. "Why are you in your work pants?" I froze. Had I _really _fallen asleep in the pants I wore to work? "And you're wearing the tank top you wear under your uniform…Bella, what's going on? Normally you get changed as soon as you get home."

"I guess I was too tired last night," I said with a shrug.

"I've seen you passing out on your feet, and even then you'll still get changed. What is going on?"

"Please don't get mad," I said.

He tensed and sat up and away from me. His expression was immediately guarded. "What?"

"Last night…" I trailed off and gulped for air. "Last night…I…I used." I looked away from him, feeling the tears surface. He would be so ashamed of me. I couldn't face that.

"Were you going to tell me?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Or were you just going to hope that I didn't find out? And why didn't Paul drive you home?"

"That's three different questions," I mumbled, feeling my lip tremble.

"Answer," he practically growled.

I opted for honesty. I could have easily lied, but that would get me even deeper into trouble. I didn't want that. "No. I wasn't going to tell you. Yeah, I hoped you weren't going to find out, I think in the back of my mind I knew you would, but I still hoped that you wouldn't. And Paul didn't drive me home because I left work early."

"Where did you get it from?" he asked. _Oh fuck. _I hadn't wanted to get to this. "It was him, wasn't it? He gave it to you, didn't he?" I didn't answer him. Roughly, he turned my face back to his. I met his angry eyes. I'm sure he could see the fear and tears in my eyes, but his expression didn't soften at all. "Why did you go back to him?"

"I didn't," I said. "_He_ came to _me_-he wouldn't leave me alone. He practically forced me to let him buy me lunch yesterday, and then…he…he gave it to me."

"Why did you use Bella?" he asked. "You were doing so well."

The tears that had been threatening to spill spilled over. "I don't know."

"I'm going to rip him apart," Jacob growled, getting out of bed.

"Where…where are you g-going?" I stuttered, wiping furiously at my eyes.

"I'm going to go find him and arrest him or kill him."

"No," I said. "No, Jacob, please, don't."

"Look what he did to you!" he shouted. "He's fucked you up bad, Bella. I'm not just going to sit on the sidelines and watch you relapse over and over. I leave you for two fucking days and this is what I come back to. This is his fault, and I'm not going to let it happen again." Alice entered my mind, and I knew what could happen to her if Jacob did anything. "I am going to fucking arrest him-and that's if he's lucky. I'm not going to let him do this to you anymore."

He got his coat on and grabbed his keys.

"Jacob-"

"Don't, Bella," he snapped. "Unless you'd rather go back to him…is that…is that what you want?"

"What?" I asked, mind whirling. "No-no I don't want to go back to him."

"I'll see you later," he said, leaving the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

I sat on the bed with my head in my hands, crying. _What have I done? How could I have been so stupid?_ I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself after this. How could I have done this?

I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed my phone off the table. I dialed the number and prayed she'd answer. She had given me her number at the first, and so far only, meeting I had been to.

"Hello?" she asked. I could tell she had woken up not long before my call, but I hadn't woken her up.

"Tara, I need to talk to you," I said, holding back the tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Last night, I used," I said, and then it was like floodgates had opened up inside me and I couldn't turn my mouth off. "My ex-boyfriend approached me when I was on my lunch break and told me it's easier to quit by cutting back and gave me some. And then last night, I was deciding what to do with it, whether to get rid of it or use it and I just caved. My boyfriend's friend walked in just as I was polishing off the second line, and told me to go to bed and that Jacob would be home by this morning. When I woke up, Jacob was here, and he basically figured it out. Now he's out either killing or arresting Edward and I'm just…I'm a mess."

"Do you regret using?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. "I feel ashamed."

"Then that's good," she said. "Next time you're tempted, remember all the feelings that you're feeling right now, and it'll stop you from using, even if Jacob isn't around to stop you. You can't rely on someone else to help you stop using, because you'll become too dependent. Next time, just think about how you're feeling right now, and it should help you. I remember when I relapsed, I felt terrible. It actually made me feel worse to use again."

"That's basically how I'm feeling right now," I said. "I feel ashamed, stupid, terrible, sick, sad, and angry all at once."

"I know the feeling," she said. "Trust me, I understand completely. Work everything out with Jacob, and then come to a few more meetings. We're meeting up tomorrow night. You should come. It'll be good to talk about it."

"Yeah, I'll probably come tomorrow night," I said. "Thank you, Tara. I'll see you tomorrow."

"We can meet for coffee somewhere if you aren't comfortable coming to the meeting. Let me know what you want to do. I'm free tomorrow and the next day. Give me a ring."

"I will, bye Tara," I said.

"Bye Bella."

The line went dead, and I put my phone back on the bedside table and looked up at the doorway to see Jacob standing there. He looked angry, but he didn't look as angry as he had before he had left.

"That was fast," I said quietly.

"He wasn't hard to find."

"Where…where is he now?" I asked.

"Jail."

His answers were short and clipped. The tone of his voice told me he was still very angry with me, but I could tell he had softened a bit.

"Was that Tara you were on the phone with?" he asked.

I nodded. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard how you feel right now," he said. "And I know I'm not making it much better." Relief washed over me like a wave. _That was a good sign. _"But Bella…what more can I do? How do I know you won't relapse again?"

"I can't promise that I won't," I whispered.

Jacob came over and sat on the bed with me. "Do I make it better or worse for you?"

"Better," I said. "Much better."

"It doesn't seem that way," he said. "Would it better if I stayed away for a bit?"

"No!" I said, clinging to his hands. "No, Jacob, it wouldn't be."

He took a deep breath. "Let me help you, please."

"You have been," I said.

"Prove it to me, Bella," he said.

"I'm weak," I whispered. "We both know that. It keeps dragging me back in, and I can't help it. But Jacob, you help me so much. I honestly don't know what shape I'd be in if I didn't have you. Please, you keep me grounded."

"Okay," he said. "We'll get through this."

"We will," I whispered, and kissed him lightly on his lips.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"This is what you need, Bella," Tara assured me calmly. I was sitting across from her in a small coffee shop, looking warily at the pamphlets scattered on the table in front of me. Jacob's hand was covering mine, and he squeezed it reassuringly. He knew that I wouldn't like this, and I'm sure Tara could tell that I wouldn't exactly be willing either.

"I don't want to go away," I said, meeting Tara's gaze evenly.

She took a deep breath. "I know it's hard to accept it, I completely understand, but this would be for the better."

"Where are some of these clinics?" I asked.

"There's one in Connecticut that's not too far from here, Washington, Mississippi, even Louisiana. They're everywhere."

"Are there any here, in New York?"

She hesitated. "Yes, there's actually one here in the city, but I think it would be beneficial for you to get away from here."

"Why?" I asked. "Edward's in jail, that threat is gone. He was the main issue. Why would I have to leave? That doesn't make any sense."

"Bella, you said your dad lives in Washington?" she asked and I nodded. "You could go live with him for a few weeks."

"No," I said immediately. "I practically escaped from Forks when I moved here; why the fuck would I go back? No, Tara, I'm sorry but I'm not agreeing to this. I don't want to go back there, and I don't want to go away somewhere. I want to stay here, and I want to go to the weekly meetings. I have work, Tara; I'm not going to quit my job."

"Bella, you should listen to her," Jacob said.

I met his eyes evenly. "If I relapse again, then I promise you can ship me off wherever you please."

"Obviously you two need to talk some things over, but I have to get going. I have some things to do," Tara said, standing up. "But Bella, please think about what I said. I know you don't want it, but it may be what's best for you." She left the coffee shop and Jacob and I were left alone, looking at each other in silence. Finally, he broke the silence.

"What do you think?"

"You know exactly what I think," I said.

He took a deep breath. "Bella–"

"I have to get to work, can you drive me?"

"Can we at least talk about this?" he asked.

"You talked and made your opinion clear," I said. "But, more importantly, I need to get to work and if you don't agree to drive me, I'll have to leave now to walk there."

He took a deep breath. "Let's go."

In silence we walked out to his car and got in. He drove me to the restaurant and I got out without saying another word to him. All through my shift my mind was clouded with what had happened this morning. Would it be better if they sent me away? I felt close to tears as I placed a couple plates of food in front of a couple, and I practically ran off to the staff washroom to regain my thoughts. I gripped the sink and looked at myself in the mirror, taking deep breaths. I didn't want to be sent away, but I could only think that that would be best for me. I wiped at my eyes as I heard the bathroom door open.

"Bella? I couldn't help but notice you run in here. Is everything okay?" Tanya asked me. I turned to face her.

"No, it's not," I said, hearing the tears in my own voice.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.

"They…they want to send me away."

"Who?"

"Jacob and this woman, Tara, who works for a support group…they both think it'd be best for me to go away to rehab," I said. "I don't want to go, Tanya. I don't want to leave the city, and I don't want to quit my job."

"You should do what you think is for the best. They can't force you to do it. They can try, but they can't. It needs to be your choice, or it'll never work. You have to be willing," she said.

"I know, but now I'm starting to think that that's what's best. I just…I don't want to leave."

She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. "I know what it's like, but they need to understand that this is completely your choice. But, right now, you need to pull yourself together and get back to work, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, I'll be out in a minute. Thanks Tanya."

I took a deep breath, adjusted my uniform and took one last look at myself in the mirror before plastering a wide smile on my face and returning to the main part of the restaurant to finish my shift.

When my shift was finally over, I went out to the parking lot where Jacob was waiting in his car for me. I slid into the passenger seat and neither of us said a word. He drove to the apartment, never breaking the silence between us. When he pulled into his parking spot, I went to exit the car, but he put his hand on my wrist to stop me.

"We need to talk," he said quietly. Nervousness knotted in my stomach and I leaned back against the seat, waiting for him to continue talking. "Bella, if this is about how much your treatment will cost, I make enough money to get you through it–you know that. Let me do this for you."

"It isn't about the money," I objected immediately. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Okay…it is. But it isn't just about that, Jacob. It's hard enough admitting that I have an addiction, but to actually accept treatment for it like that? And _that_ type of treatment? I can't do that. And yeah, you're right–I don't want you to pay for my treatment. If I end up going somewhere, I want to be the one to pay for it. I'm not going to let you pay for it for me. You've done enough for me."

"I've done enough for you?" he repeated incredulously. I could hear in his voice that he was getting angrier, and I immediately regretted my choice of words. "So I guess that means that's all I have to do for you, right? So then I guess you've got all you needed from me."

"You know I didn't mean it like that," I said immediately. "It's just…I feel like I'd be using you for your money, and I don't want that. I am not a gold digger, Jacob; I want to pave my own way."

"Let me do this for you," he practically begged. "I can't see you go through another relapse, Bella. Please. What if it happens again but you don't make it through it?"

"Remember what I said earlier?" I asked. "If I relapse again, you can send me wherever you want. I'll go without a fight. Let me do this my way. Give me one more chance."

He turned to me and met my eyes. "Promise?"

"I promise," I said.

The fact that Jacob so desperately wanted to send me away should have alarmed me or made me angry, but it didn't. I could see where he was coming from. I could understand it. I didn't like it much, but it was completely understandable.

He didn't know what it was like to be on that shit. Jacob had no idea how severe the addiction could get. He had seen me relapse twice, and before that, he had seen me pretty fucked up because I had needed to use. That isn't enough insight. Unless you're the person with the addiction, you don't know what it's really like.

"Are we okay now?" I asked quietly.

He hesitated. "I don't know…are we?"

"I want us to be," I said, casting my eyes away from him.

He tilted my face back to his so we were looking into each other's eyes. "We're okay."

A small smile spread across my face. "I'm glad."

He leaned in close to me and pressed his lips against mine. The moment felt so right between us, it felt as though there was finally some sort of hope in my future…and there was hope for a future with Jacob. I knotted my hands in his hair, and we shifted so I was straddling him as he sat in the driver's seat. I rubbed against his growing arousal and heard a deep growl deep in his chest. I wanted him so badly. It had felt like ages since we had actually been together. I broke away from his mouth so I could kiss his neck, and while I did that I began unbuttoning his shirt.

"We should probably get inside," he said. The tone of his voice told me that it was difficult for him to say the words, and that he didn't really mean what he was saying.

"I think we're just fine in here," I mumbled against his neck.

I felt his throaty chuckle against my lips and felt his hands roam my body. One hand slipped up into my shirt and cupped my breast while the other hand made its way down my body to my pants. He undid the button on my pants, and slipped his hand inside. Before I could get a hold on what was happening, one of his fingers was inside of me and another finger was rubbing my clit.

Suddenly, my phone rang, making both of us jump. I groaned. _Of course. _I looked over at the passenger seat where my phone was and muttered, "That can wait."

I resumed my assault on his neck and began unbuttoning his shirt. His finger picked up speed inside of me, but then my phone rang again.

"They're persistent," he mumbled. "Maybe you should answer it?"

I groaned as he pulled his hand out of my pants and I went back to the passenger seat. I pulled my phone out of my purse and furrowed my brow at who was calling.

"Hello?"

"Bella, why the fuck is my brother in jail? What did you do?" Alice demanded.

_Great. _


	16. Chapter 16

**I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I was stuck at one part of this chapter for **_**weeks**_** and I couldn't get over it, but I'M BACK and I promise to try and update much more often. ENJOY! **

**Chapter 16**

I wanted to hang up the phone. I wanted to end the call right there like nothing had happened and that I hadn't heard her. Or even pretend that I had really bad reception where I was and that the line was breaking up. I had been dreading facing Alice and I had known it was just a matter of time before she spoke to me about it, but I had not been expecting her to contact me so soon. I didn't think she'd be able to make the connection between a cop and me so quickly. I hadn't even known that she knew that I was dating a police officer.

"Alice–"

"No, Bella, I don't want to hear it," she practically snarled. "How _dare _you, Bella, how could you do this to our family? I get wanting to get back at Edward for cheating on you or whatever, but to go this far? Seriously, Bella? Do you have any idea how distraught Esme is right now? Did you even think about her? She didn't even know he was into it. And Carlisle…he can barely look at any of us. He'll only talk to Emmett and Rosalie. My own father won't even talk to me because he knows I knew, and he knows I use. Thanks a lot for tearing our family apart, Bella, a family that–might I remind you–you once considered yourself a part of."

"It isn't my fault," I said, trying to remain calm. "_He_ approached _me_ and told me it would be easier to quit if I just cut back. And like the idiot I was, I listened to him and relapsed, even though I was doing well."

"So then you sent your little NYPD boyfriend to arrest him so you wouldn't be tempted to use again?" she snapped. "Real mature of you, Bella."

"I didn't tell him to arrest him!"

"Sure you didn't." I could practically see her sneering. "I used to think of you as a sister to me and I thought you thought the same way about me. I guess not."

"What does what happened to Edward have to do with you and me?" I demanded, trying to mask how hurt I was. "You're right, I did consider you my sister, and I…I still want to be your friend, Alice. I really do. I–"

"He's my brother!" she yelled, cutting me off. "He's the only reason you and I even _know_ each other! Do you think you telling me that you still want to be my friend will change what you did and fix everything? I thought what you and I had meant more to you than just a new fuck buddy!"

"He is more than that," I said fiercely. "He's actually _helping_ me, which is more than you ever did."

"Oh so all those times I opened my door to you when Edward was being an ass meant nothing?"

"Oh, get off your high horse, Alice! I can't believe you're saying this shit to me. I thought you'd actually care about me and see how badly your brother was treating me. You _know _how much shit I put up with with him. Him cheating on me was the last straw and you know it. I'm done with this conversation. Goodbye, Alice. Call me when you've seen some sense." I ended the call, shaking with anger.

Jacob grasped my hand and quietly asked, "Are you alright?"

"Not really," I mumbled, feeling myself slowly begin to crack and my lip begin to tremble.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. "It's okay; you two will work everything out."

"I don't know if we will," I whispered, lip trembling harder now and tears stinging at my eyes. "She was _really_ angry with me."

"C'mon, let's get upstairs," he said gently. I detached myself from him and got out of the car, earlier feelings of romance with him completely lost. The conversation with Alice was still whirling around my head.

We were both silent in the elevator. I couldn't get Alice's words out of my head, and every time I thought about it again I felt tears stinging at my eyes. As we entered the apartment, I mumbled, "I have to call Rosalie," and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

_**Jacob**_

I watched Bella walk down the hallway in our apartment and close the door to the bedroom behind her. Hearing her conversation with Alice had made me feel like shit. She had tried to put on a strong face when she was on the phone, but then right after she hung up it was like she had broken.

I had caused that. I had made her feel so awful. It was bad enough that she was trying to get over an addiction but now I had just fucked up her relationship with someone who she had once considered her best friend.

I hoped that whatever Rosalie said to her would make her feel better, because I felt as though anything I'd say would just make the whole situation worse.

She had told me tonnes of times that I was helping her, but some days it felt like I was doing her more harm than good. Some days she just seemed like she was in such a bad place and it felt like she wouldn't ever get better. But then, on the other hand, she had her really, really good days too. The good days always outweighed the bad days, but her bad days were _really_ bad. And of course, there was the ever-constant fear of her relapsing–again.

I knew when I had arrested Cullen that it had hurt her, and I hated doing that to her, but it was something that she needed. I knew in the back of my mind that it had been a real eye-opener for her to see how serious I was about this type of thing.

I sat on the couch and rubbed my face. The past week had really kicked my ass and it was catching up with me now. All I wanted to do was wrap Bella in my arms and go to sleep.

Bella's words to Alice floated around in my head. _He is more than that, he's actually helping me_. I wondered what she meant in saying that I was 'more than that' or if she had meant me at all when she said that. Had she meant Cullen?

_No_, she had to have meant me. Right after she said that she had basically gone on a rant about him. I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples. Within a few moments I felt a tiny figure crawl into my lap and lean her head against my shoulder. I smiled in spite of myself and opened my eyes, looking down to see Bella curled into me, wrapped in one of my sweaters.

"You alright?" I asked. She nodded, smile spreading across her face. "I'll assume your conversation with Rosalie went better?"

"Much better," she said. "I'm gonna go see her and Emmett tomorrow. Rose and I might go see Edward's mom." I stiffened slightly at that, and she placed a hand on my chest. "She had nothing to do with it. She didn't even know about it. She's upset."

I felt the tension escape from me and I kissed the top of Bella's head. "Good. I think it'll be good for you to see someone other than me outside work."

She chuckled. "Don't underestimate yourself."

I laughed. "Oh trust me, babe, I'm not."

We stayed like that for a while longer, and then I carried her into the bedroom and wrapped her in my arms and we slept the night away, both feeling oddly at peace and at ease.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_**Bella**_

As soon as the elevator door at Rosalie and Emmett's apartment opened on their floor I was lifted off the floor and into a giant bear hug from Emmett. I grinned in spite of myself. Emmett could almost always make me feel better.

"Why haven't you visited?" he asked. "The last time I saw you was…" He trailed off. The last time he had seen me I was moving all my things out of his apartment to move in with Jacob after nearly overdosing…and dying.

"I've been busy," I said quickly. "I've been trying to stay on top of…everything."

"Listen, Bella, I want you to know, I don't blame you for what happened," he said. "Honestly it was just a matter of time before I turned him in or kicked his ass. If I had found out he gave you more coke…I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I smiled in spite of myself and blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears stinging at my eyes from forming. "Thanks Emmett, that really means a lot to me."

"Come on, Rosie's waiting for ya. My mom's gonna take you guys for lunch somewhere." I followed Emmett down the hall to their apartment and as the door opened I was immediately enveloped into a tight hug from Rosalie.

"God, I can't believe he did that to you," she said angrily.

"It's alright, it's all been sorted out now," I said, hugging her tightly back.

"We should get going; Esme's waiting for us," she said. She pecked Emmett on the cheek and said, "See you later, Em."

I followed Rosalie out of the apartment and down to where her car was parked. As she drove we just _talked_. It felt so good to be talking to someone other than Jacob or the people at work. It felt like it had been ages since I had seen Rosalie and it felt nice to be with her again. She drove to this fancy restaurant in the Upper East Side where we were meeting Esme. She pulled into a parking lot and I felt my stomach knot in nervousness.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Esme since before Edward and I had broken up and now I was seeing her after my new boyfriend put him in jail.

So, to say I was nervous was an understatement. I felt like I was going to puke my guts out. My legs felt like gelatin as I walked with Rosalie into the restaurant. Rose confidently walked up to the hostess and told her that we had a reservation under the name "Cullen". Oddly, just at the mere mention of the last name I felt a little jolt. Nervousness shot through me and I began to feel nauseous and almost dizzy.

I didn't know why it was affecting me like this. It's not like I was going to be sitting across from Edward at the table. This would be easy. I had always liked Esme and she had always seemed to like me.

The hostess led us to a table toward the back of the restaurant. I knew this was one of Esme and Carlisle's favourite restaurants as we had celebrated their birthdays here a few times. In the back of my mind I thought, _what if Esme decided to bring Alice today to try and make things better between us?_ The thought almost stopped me dead in my tracks, but I forced myself to keep moving.

As we turned a corner I saw that Esme was sitting alone at a table with her hands gently folded on her plate, waiting for us.

At the mere sight of her I felt the tension melt away from me. Esme had always treated me like a daughter, and her body language and face radiated kindness. I had nothing to worry about. However, as we got closer to her, I could see the lines of stress on her face. She still looked as beautiful as ever, but I could see that her eyes had dark circles underneath them.

As she saw us, her mouth lifted into a smile and she stood up. She came right for me and hugged me tightly. I felt her love and warmth in that hug and I melted into her embrace. I felt tears sting at my eyes and as she pulled away from me I noticed that her eyes had welled up with tears as well.

"It's okay, Bella, Carlisle and I don't blame you for what happened," she whispered. She turned to Rose and hugged her too. We all sat down at that table and looked over the menus. A waitress came and we ordered and then a silence fell over the table.

"Are you doing alright, Esme?" I asked when I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm fine, Bella," she said, smiling warmly at me. "A little stressed about the whole situation, of course, but besides that I'm fine. Are you doing okay?"

"I'm…okay," I said. "Alice called me yesterday."

Esme's entire posture changed immediately. She stiffened and her lips drew tightly together. "What did she say?" she asked. I noticed the tightness of her jaw and the way her tone had gone slightly cold. My eyes widened slightly and I explained the conversation that Alice and I had had. Throughout my explanation Esme seemed to get more and more annoyed. I finished talking and Esme said, "Well, believe me Bella; I have a few things to say to her."

"Has she been…different lately?" Rose asked.

Esme took a deep breath. "Well, she hasn't come by the house very much, and when she has visited I've noticed a definite decline in her personality. It looks like she's lost weight, she always looks exhausted, and whenever I ask her what's going on she gets angry with me."

"She's lost weight?" I repeated and Esme nodded. Alice was _already_ very thin; I couldn't imagine her looking any thinner than she already was.

"I haven't seen her since I quit at the club," Rose said. "But Emmett's been telling me she's been missing half her shifts and when she comes in she's…" she trailed off and glanced at me, then said, "She just doesn't act right." I knew exactly what Rose meant by that. Alice was going to work high. She hadn't wanted to say it in front of Esme but her look to me had told me all I needed to know.

Esme's eyes welled up with tears. "I'm guessing neither of you have any idea what's…?"

"No," I said immediately. I hesitated slightly before saying, "Has Jasper been around?"

"She hasn't talked about him recently," Esme said.

"Emmett hasn't said anything about him missing work," Rose said.

"Maybe something happened between them?" I asked.

"Maybe," Esme said. "I don't think she'd talk to me about it if she did. Bella, I know that she blew up on you, but maybe if you and Rosalie tried…?" She trailed off and bit her lip, then said. "No, no I can't ask you to do that."

I glanced at Rose and said, "Well, maybe we could stop by her apartment or something?"

"Yeah, maybe later on we'll go and check on her," Rose said.

A smile hinted at Esme's lips and I saw her eyes practically light up. "Thank you so much, girls. I didn't want to ask but I couldn't help it…I don't know who else to turn to."

"I understand completely," Rose said.

Our food came at that point and the conversation turned lighter. We talked about simpler things, but what Esme had told us about Alice was bothering me. I hated to admit it after the things she had said to me, but I was worried about her. She had been one of my only friends when I had first moved here and now she was probably getting into dangerous shit. _Had _she and Jasper broken up? Was that why she was acting like this? I remembered when she got angry with me for leaving Edward because he had cheated on me. Had something like that happened with Jasper as well?

"Esme, have you been to see Edward?" I asked, oddly finding it difficult to actually say his name.

"Carlisle and I went to see him once," she said. "He got angry with us when we wouldn't bail him out. Carlisle told him that he did it to himself and we weren't going to get him out of there." Her eyes welled up with tears again and she said, "He called us bad parents. He started yelling at us. The guards had to drag him away from us and escort us out of the building."

I heard a sharp intake of breath escape from Rosalie. "He actually _said_ that to you?"

Esme nodded. "It was terrible. Carlisle and I won't be going back. I feel like I'm losing my children."

"You aren't," Rosalie said soothingly. "You're all just going through a rough patch. It'll be okay."

"Yeah, exactly," I said. "We're going to go try and figure out what's wrong with Alice and you still have Emmett who's sane. Edward will…he'll get over it. He won't hold it against you, Esme, if anything it's me who he'll hold a grudge against."

Esme pursed her lips. "I guess you're right. I just don't want him to try and do anything to you. Promise me you'll call me right away if he does, Bella."

"I will," I said. "Do you know if Alice has been to see him?"

"She goes as often as she can," she said.

I pursed my lips. Nervousness crept up neck as I thought about what they could be talking about when she visited him. Were they talking about how they'd get back at me? Were they talking about how much they hated me for what I did to him? Were they planning on getting revenge on me when he got out?

We finished eating everything and the bill came. I pulled out my wallet, as did Rosalie, but Esme waved us off saying, "It's the least I can do, really. Don't worry about it."

We said our goodbyes to each other and then Rose and I drove away.

"Alice has obviously been using," Rose said. "I don't really know what she's been using, but Emmett's said that she's gone in to work high out of her mind at least five times in the past week. No one knows what's gotten into her."

"Are we going to go see her?" I asked.

"Do you want to?" she asked.

"Yeah…I think we should."

"Are you ready for it?"

"I think so. She probably won't want to see me, but we'll find out what's going on," I said.

"If you're sure…" she said, turning onto the street where Alice's apartment was. She drove up to the building and parked in visitor's parking. We walked into the lobby and Rosalie called up to Alice's apartment.

"Hello?" she asked in a dull voice.

"Hey Alice, it's Rose!" Rose said in a bright voice as if trying to ignore how odd Alice had sounded. "I was in the neighbourhood and decided to stop by. Can you let me up?"

"Yeah," Alice mumbled. "Come on up."

I heard the front door click open and Rose and I walked to the elevator, nervousness building in the pit of my stomach.


End file.
